Hanbange 3.0 - (C) Breadu Soft 2008 Downloaded from torrentkim.net

sub2smi by 블랙이글

 

발신자 미상

 

안 받아

 

안 받는다니까

 

봉쥬르?

 

"칼", 너란거 알아

 

안녕!

 

텔레파시 통했나봐

 

전화 걸고 있었거든

 

발신자 안 뜨게 했어?

 

그래, 내 번호 뜨면
안 받잖아

 

뭐해?

 

그냥 집에 있어

 

- 문자 받았지?
- 무슨 문자?

 

밤에 놀러가자구

 

그거 좋네
나도 가고 싶은데

 

정신없이 바빠

 

눈코 뜰 새가 없다구

 

거짓말 마

 

진짜야
할 일이 태산이야

 

다른 날이면 모를까
오늘은 안돼

 

할 일이 뭔데?

 

그런게 있어

 

앞에 있으면
보여줄 텐데

 

- 못 그러니 아쉽네
- 할 일이라...

 

일정표에 적힌건
다 가짜잖아

 

아냐, 진짜야

 

예를 들면?
비디오가게 줄 서기?

 

뭐? 무슨 소리야?

 

비디오가게 아냐
집이라니까

 

다 보여, "칼"
가게 밖이야

 

- 나 아냐
- 아니라구?

 

아, 알겠다
비디오가게 손님 중에

 

나랑 닮은 사람 있는데

 

그 사람일거야

 

이상하네

 

네가 말하는 거랑
입모양이 똑같거든

 

아무 말도 안 하잖아

 

그만 벙긋대고
밖으로 나와

 

- 왜? 알았어!
- "칼"!

 

- 이게 누구야!
- 올 거라고 했지?

 

믿기질 않네
"루니"

 

"칼 앨런"
해가 서쪽서 뜨겠어

 

여기 발길 끊은줄
알았어

 

아냐, 좀 바빴어

 

할 일도 산더미고
정신없이 바쁘거든

 

어련하실까

 

어쨌든 잘 왔어
"칼"

 

중대 발표를
할게 있거든

 

보여줘

 

그래, 맞아

 

우리 약혼했어!

 

축하해!

 

- 진도 많이 나갔네!
- 그래, 많이 나갔지!

 

빠른 감은 있지만

 

사귄지 6개월 됐나?

 

- 아니
- 2년이요

 

그럼 결혼할만하네

 

21일에 약혼 파티해
술은 무제한 공짜고

 

공짜 술인데 가야지

 

"칼", 너도 올거지?

 

- 그때 봐서
- 무슨 소리야?

 

누가 왔는지 봐

 

딴청 피우지 말고,
봐서라니?

 

- 술이 공짜라잖아
- "스테파니"가 바에 있어

 

- 전부인?
- 네, 이혼한 아내요

 

젠장, 진짜네

 

- 남자랑 왔나 봐
- 그러게, 좋아 보이네

 

서로 거시기를
더듬고 있잖아

 

여기 오길 참 잘했어
난 그만 갈게

 

안 돼, 그냥 있어

 

3년이나 됐잖아
그만 피해 다녀

 

그래서 가는거 아냐
"스테파니"!

 

"칼", "피터"

 

- "루니"
- "스테파니"야

 

남자친구
"테드"예요

 

- 나하곤...
- 그래요, 초면이죠

 

- 가려구?
- 응, 유감스럽게도...

 

오래 있었거든

 

방금 왔잖아

 

급하게 갈 데가 있대

 

그래, 중요한 자린데
늦었어

 

시간 없거든
시간은 생명이잖아

 

아무튼 난 갈게
성병 조심해

 

말이 헛나왔어

 

나중에 봐

 

- "틸리"
- 굿모닝, "칼"

 

아침 같이 먹을래?

 

마음은 굴뚝인데
안돼요

 

- 시리얼이나 요거트는?
- 음... 아뇨!

 

그럼 토스트는?

 

출근해야 돼서요
고마워요

 

공연 보러 오세요

 

로큰롤 좋아해요?

 

- 당신이네, 싫죠?
- 응

 

- 좋다구요?
- 싫은거 맞다구

 

"페르시아 신부 찾기"
됐거든?

 

코스튬 파티
음... 싫어!

 

이런...

 

귀찮게 생겼네

 

- "칼 앨런"이 귀대하셨군
- 나 군인 아니거든?

 

금융 전선에서
싸우는 군인이지

 

"노먼",
1번 전화요

 

자네 사무실서
받을래?

 

- 여기서 받을게
- 그러든지

 

"노먼"입니다

 

확실합니까?
네, 알겠습니다

 

자네 승진심사
결과 나왔는데

 

미끄러졌대

 

난 자넬 밀었는데

 

"뎀코"를
승진시키겠대

 

상관없어
승진엔 관심 없거든

 

달랑 5년 일하고
누가 승진을 바래?

 

좋게 생각해
댕강보단 낫잖아

 

- "댕강" 알아?
- 해고?

 

어떻게 알았어?
나한테 들었어?

 

흔히 쓰는 말이잖아

 

- 내 친구들과만 쓰는 말이야
- 괜찮은 단어네

 

기분전환 시켜줄게
집에서 파티 하는데

 

- 웃긴 모자나 가발 쓰고 하는거야
- 하필!

 

그때 여행 가

 

- 언젠지 모르잖아
- 언제야?

 

- 금요일
- 그때 여행 가

 

동시에 말했잖아

 

마치
그 말을 하려고

 

준비한 사람처럼!

 

파리만 날리고

 

거대 체인하고는
비교도 안되는

 

작은 가게지만

 

혁명적인 인라인
제품을 개발했어요

 

그건 저도 알지만
담보가 없잖아요

 

- 네
- 신용 상태는...

 

최악이죠
구걸하긴 싫지만

 

대출 못 받으면
망해요

 

거부

 

- 발신자 미상
- 무시

 

"칼", 오랜만이야

 

"닉 레인"?

 

아직도 은행 다녀?

 

그러니까 여기서
이름표 달고 점심 먹지

 

지점장 됐겠는걸

 

승진 기회 많았는데
발목 잡히기 싫어서

 

- "스테파니"는?
- 좋아

 

잘 지내
자넨 어떻게 지냈어?

 

전세계 구석구석
좀 떠돌아다녔지

 

킬리만자로 등정에
라오스에선 박쥐 먹고

 

바주카포로
소도 쏴죽였어

 

소한텐 미안했지만...
다 해봤다구

 

- 재밌었겠네
- 비결 알려줄까?

 

난 "예스맨"이거든

 

"예스"가
내 삶을 바꿔놨지

 

난 됐어

 

"됐어"란 말로는
밑이나 닦아

 

알았어

 

- 은행 근무 싫잖아
- 좋아해

 

싫어해

 

이 돌을 던져서

 

은행 창문 깨뜨려봐

 

- 싫어
- 나한테 물어봐

 

- 이 돌 던지고 싶어?
- 예스!

 

맙소사!

 

- 미쳤어?
- 세미나에 가봐

 

거기 서!

 

- 놓치겠어!
- 멈춰!

 

"칼", 삶을 즐겨!
그래야 후회 안해!

 

멈춰! 서!

 

- 발신자 미상
- 무시

 

- 공연 보고 싶죠?
- 아니

 

죄송해요

 

거부

 

- 여보세요?
- "스테파니"?

 

- "칼"
- 그래, 나야

 

그냥 목소리 듣고 싶어서,
별일이지?

 

지금은 통화 못해

 

- "테드"랑 보트 타러 가
- 좋겠네

 

진짜 좋겠어

 

젠장, "피터"
그만 좀 걸어

 

뭘 그렇게 뜸들여?
그냥 확 잘라버려

 

- "피터"? 어디 갔다 왔어?
- 내 전화 못 받았어?

 

뭐? 아니
휴대폰 잃어버렸어

 

웃기지마

 

- 여기 있었네
- 그래, 거깄네

 

너 친구 맞냐?
약혼파티 안 왔잖아

 

맙소사!
그게 오늘밤이었어?

 

미안해, 깜박했어

 

그냥 안 넘어갈게
진짜야

 

아무 날이나 잡아
내가 거시기 해줄게

 

- 거시기라니?
- 나도 몰라

 

술 약속이 아녔어
내 약혼파티였다구

 

- 결혼은 평생 단 한번이야
- 두번 할건 못되지

 

"스테파니" 떠나서

 

상처 받은건 알지만
친구들도 생각해야지

 

마지막으로 즐긴게 언제야?
만나자고 하면

 

변명만 늘어놓고

 

내 약혼녀
성은 알아?

 

"피셔"잖아
"피쉬맨"

 

- 잠깐만, "피쉬월"?
- "피쉬월"?

 

- "루시 피쉬월"이라구?
- 아냐?

 

- "번스"야
- "번스"?

 

"루시 번스"

 

이거 알아?
약혼녀가 널 싫어해

 

아무리 생각해도
좋아할 이유가 없어

 

- 단 하나도!
- "피터"

 

변명 따윈 듣기 싫어
맘대로 해!

 

계속 그렇게 살다간
평생 혼자 지낼거야

 

평생 혼자!
친구도 없이!

 

"칼"

 

"루니", 좀 와봐

 

이상해 보이지 않아?
죽은거 같지?

 

아니
평소와 똑같은데

 

글쎄, 내가 보기엔
죽은거 같애

 

가끔 봐서 그런지
별 차이 모르겠어

 

하긴

 

별로 하는게 없었지

 

좋은 친구도 아녔고

 

쓸모가 없었어

 

- 냉장고에 맥주 더 있어?
- 이게 마지막이야

 

짜증나네

 

뭐였지?

 

"예스"로
인생을 바꿔보세요!

 

"예스"에 오신걸
환영합니다

 

자리에 앉아주세요

 

"칼"?
이봐, "칼"!

 

"칼"!

 

- "칼"!
- 안녕, "닉"

 

- 왔군
- 내 옆에...

 

옆에 앉을게
올줄 알았어

 

후회 안할거야
"테렌스"는 천재거든

 

수류탄처럼 널
깨뜨려버릴 거야

 

- 그건 싫은데
- 변화가 필요해서

 

온거잖아

 

뭐든지 "예스"라고 해
그럼 삶이 달라져

 

시작한다

 

모두가

 

자신의 삶을 산다지만
과연 그럴까요?

 

심오하네

 

변화는 의식에서 비롯됩니다
그럼 의식은 어디서 비롯될까요?

 

바로 현실입니다

 

현실을 통제할 방법은?
한 단어죠

 

그게 뭘까요?

 

"예스"!

 

바로 "예스"입니다

 

예스, 예스, 예스!

 

백만 번 외치세요

 

백만 번 더!

 

여러분이 2백만 번
외칠 말은?

 

예스!

 

"예스"를 여러분 삶의
모토로 삼으세요

 

그럼 긍정적인 변화가
일어날 겁니다

 

"예스"라고 말하면
못할게 없습니다

 

삶의 긍정적인 에너지를 흡수하고
부정적인 기운을 배출하세요

 

시작하기에 앞서
새 얼굴을 만나보죠

 

- 처음 오신 분?
- 이 친구요! 오늘 처음 왔어요

 

- 여기요!
- 그러지마

 

- 앞으로 나와봐요, 미래의 "예스맨"!
- 그냥 청강 왔어요

 

인생을 청강할 순 없지
앞으로 나와요

 

- 노! 고맙지만 됐어요
- 방금 뭐라고 했지?

 

- 됐다구요
- 그 전에

 

"고맙다"?

 

그 말 하기 전에

 

- "노"
- "노 맨"! "노 맨"!

 

"노 맨"! "노 맨"!

 

됐습니다!

 

산이 오지 않겠다면

 

내가 산으로 가야지

 

이름이?

 

"칼"이요

 

맞춰보지, "칼"

 

누군가 여기를
추천했지?

 

- 예스
- 예스!

 

"예스맨" 철학에
신뢰가 가나?

 

노!

 

"노 맨"! "노 맨"!

 

당신은 죽었어

 

"노"만 입에 달고사니
산다고 할수 없지

 

주변 사람들과
자기 자신한테

 

변명만 늘어놓고

 

열심히 일해도
승진은 꿈도 못 꾸고

 

애인은커녕
친한 여자도 없어

 

사랑하는 여잔

 

빌빌거리는
패배자를 떠났겠지

 

매일밤 외로움과
권태에 시달리며

 

자위를 하고픈
욕망조차 사라졌어

 

내가 틀렸나?

 

고장난 물총 같긴 해요

 

여기서 서약을 해
"칼"

 

서약을 하겠나?

 

"예스"라고 해

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

여기서 나가면

 

기회가 생길 때마다

 

어떤 상황이든

 

무조건
"예스"라고 해

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

만약 제가

 

"예스" 대신

 

다른 말을 하면요?

 

서약은 자신과의
약속이야

 

그 약속을 깨는 순간

 

삶은 엉망이 되지

 

어때, "칼"?

 

서약할 준비됐나?

 

예스

 

- 예스!
- 예스!

 

- 예스!
- 다시!

 

예스!

 

- 다시!
- 예스!

 

- 진심을 담아서!
- 예스, 예스, 예스!

 

예스!

 

그 사람이야

 

- 아깐 멋졌어요
- 고마워요

 

긍정의 힘이
느껴지지?

 

- 잘 왔어요
- 예스!

 

- "예스맨" 될거야?
- 글쎄, 어쩌면

 

우리가 "어쩌면"이란
세미나를 다녀왔나?

 

형씨
차 죽이네

 

엘리시안 공원까지
좀 태워주겠수?

 

태워드릴 거예요
그렇지, "칼"?

 

안될거 없죠

 

예스!
후회 않을거야

 

- 핸드폰 좀?
- 빌려드려!

 

엘리시안 공원

 

계속 가요? 아님
아무데나 내려줘요?

 

잠깐만
옆에서 시끄럽네

 

조금만 더 가서
언덕에 내려주쇼

 

말해

 

거의 다 왔어
그래

 

뭐라구? 여보세요?

 

젠장!
배터리가 나갔어

 

잘됐네요

 

고마워요

 

고맙수, 형씨
노숙자 태워주는 사람은 드물거든

 

그 행사장 앞에선
많이들 태워주지만

 

그럼 이만!

 

2불만 줄라우?

 

그러죠

 

기왕 이렇게 된거...

 

여기요

 

돈 많네, 다 줄라우?

 

그러죠
다 가져요

 

복 많이 받으쇼

 

젠장

 

걸려라, 제발

 

돌겠네

 

"칼", 가진 돈 전부
노숙자한테 줄래?

 

예스! 예스!

 

핸드폰 배터리
나가서

 

긴급 주유서비스
못 받는건 어때?

 

기똥찬 생각이네!

 

한밤중에
공원을 헤매다

 

살인마 만나는건?
상관없어!

 

제발!

 

신용카드
예스, 노

 

당연히 예스지
현금이 없거든

 

기름통 들고
언덕 올라갈래요?

 

그래도 돼?
정말 되는거야?

 

자세가 좋아서요

 

- 방금 날 찍었어?
- 어쩌면요

 

기름 떨어졌어요?

 

어쩌면

 

짜증나겠네요
나도 지난 주에 그랬는데

 

태워준 노숙자가

 

휴대폰 배터리 다 써서
나처럼 주유서비스 못 받았나?

 

아뇨
댁이 겪은 일이군요

 

아니, 왜 그렇게
생각해?

 

휴대폰 배터리
나갔어요?

 

그래, 인기관리 잘하는
노숙자인가 봐

 

안부 전할 사람이
무지 많더군

 

도움 돼서 기뻤지

 

- 기분 좋았겠네요
- 말이라구

 

운동까지 하고
기분 최고야

 

태워줄까요?

 

그 스쿠터로?

 

너무 빨라?

 

아니, 더 빨리 달려

 

그래야 사고 나면
내가 죽을 테니까

 

식물인간 되거든
안락사 시켜주고

 

- 뭐해?
- 사진 찍으려구, 웃어!

 

- 앞이 안 보여!
- 나두! 짜릿하지 않아?

 

이 정도면 충분해

 

- 태워줘서 고마워
- 뭘!

 

얼굴색이 정상으로
돌아오길 바랄게

 

- 난 4바퀴 달린 차가 좋아
- 그래?

 

전혀 눈치 못챘네
뒤에 잘 붙어있길래

 

- 헬멧 돌려줄래?
- 아직 쓰고 있었나?

 

고마워

 

괜찮아?

 

그럼, 키스할거 아니면
빨리 가

 

- 뭐라구?
- 뭐가 뭐?

 

난 그냥...

 

굿나잇!

 

예스!

 

"예스는 긍정적인
결과를 불러오고"

 

"삶의 진짜 기회는"

 

"다양한 모습으로
찾아온다"

 

- 여보세요?
- 나야, "노먼"

 

상사긴 하지만
친구 같지?

 

그렇다고 할게

 

토요일 근무자가
부족한데

 

나와줄 수 있어?

 

물론

 

화창한 토요일엔
은행 안이 최고지

 

맞아
마법 같은 곳이지

 

거시기 크기를
키우고 싶냐구?

 

좋지요

 

지금도 크지만...

 

- "페르시아 신부 찾기"
- 안녕하세요, "파르노쉬"예요

 

제 남자가
돼주실래요?

 

얼마든지

 

실례해요
대출 받으려구요

 

하시는 일이?

 

연예인 얼굴 모양
케이크를 만들어요

 

- 와우! "미키 루크"군요
- 아뇨! U2의 "보노"예요

 

그렇군요

 

"미키 루크" 맛은
아니겠죠?

 

대출 될까요?

 

그럼요, 예스!

 

승인

 

재밌네

 

케이크 만든다구?

 

그래
직감을 따른거야, "놈"

 

- "놈"이라구?
- 응

 

- 별명 같은거야?
- 그래

 

좋네, 맘에 들어
자넨 "카"라고 불러줄게

 

"칼"이랑 비슷한데
뭘 굳이...

 

동료애가 샘솟잖아

 

내가 어쨌게?

 

뭘?

 

"뎀코" 승진 문제로
윗사람들한테 한바탕 퍼부었어

 

"뎀코대신 칼을
승진 안 시키면"

 

"내가 회사를
그만두겠어요"

 

진짜?
그랬더니 뭐래?

 

나더러 그만두래
그래서 잘못했다고

 

- 잽싸게 빌었어
- 잘했네

 

능력을 보여주면
승진 고려하겠대

 

어떻게?

 

아까 보여줬잖아

 

케이크 굽는 여자!

 

내 별명도 짓고

 

아침에 "뎀코"한테

 

오늘 나오랬더니
뭐랬는지 알아?

 

- 싫다고
- 어떻게 알았어?

 

여기 없잖아

 

자넨 나왔어, "카"

 

자넬 대신
승진시키겠어

 

"놈", 뜻밖이야
고마워

 

연봉도 65로
올려줄게

 

- 천 단위야?
- 당연하지!

 

나만 믿어, "브로셉"

 

봤지?

 

"브로"와 "조셉"을
합친 별명이야, 기발하지?

 

끝내줘

 

난 정말 못나고
못된 친구야

 

못됐기 보단 못났지

 

약혼파티 안 간거
정말 미안해

 

- 맘에 없는 소리마
- 진심이야, 앞으론 달라질거야

 

무조건 "예스"라고
해야 된다구?

 

그래, 닫혀있는
마음을 열었더니

 

변화가 생겼어
"예스"의 시대가 시작된거지

 

집구석만 벗어난다면
뭐든 찬성이야

 

한잔씩 더 줄래요?

 

계산은 나중에

 

이 친구가
한꺼번에 할거예요

 

- 괜찮지?
- 예스! 괜찮고말고

 

네

 

재판 준비 해야 하지만
이런 날을 놓칠순 없지

 

핫소스 좀 더 먹어

 

나 "예스맨" 됐다고
너무 좋아하네

 

해냈어!

 

내가 술 돌릴게요!

 

끝내줬어, "칼"

 

잠깐 좀...

 

좋죠!

 

키스해달라고 한건
아닌거 같은데?

 

내가 껌 씹고 있었나?

 

죽고싶냐?

 

진정해요
오해하신거 같네요

 

난 이제부터 무조건 "예스"야
당신도 해봐

 

난 신성한 서약을 했어

 

혀가 꼬였네

 

- 밖으로 나와
- 그러지 마요

 

괜찮아
나한테 맡겨

 

내가 이기면

 

당신 여잘 무도회에
데려갈거야

 

썩히기 아깝잖아

 

예쁜 여자들은
무도회에 가야 된다구

 

로맨틱해라!

 

내 얼굴을 갈겼어

 

- 내가 도와줄게
- 그만둬

 

미안해, 우리 잘못야

 

- 싸워 본지 까마득해
- 알아

 

붙을거야 말거야?

 

붙어줄 테니까
걱정 붙들어 매셔

 

더 맞고 싶냐?

 

소원이라면 때려줄게
내가 어딨지?

 

나 어딨어?

 

안 보이는 상대랑
어떻게 싸울래?

 

"빌리 잭의 전설"이란
영화 봤어?

 

영화에서처럼
이 발로

 

네놈 얼굴을 짓밟아도

 

넌 날 못 막아

 

이빨만 부러뜨리지 마

 

구경꾼들 많잖아
멋진 쇼 보여주자구

 

뭐?

 

먼저 룰부터 정하자

 

룰이 없는게 룰이야!

 

등신!
내가 아냐!

 

누가 거기 서있으래?

 

그러니까 맞지

 

매사에 그렇게
부정적이면 쓰나

 

이쪽이야, 짜샤

 

맙소사, 진짜 웃긴다

 

당신이...

 

괜찮아?

 

간발의 차이로
못 막았어

 

취해서 그런 거니까

 

그쯤 해둬요

 

아주 값진 경험이었어

 

- 교훈을 배웠잖아, 전화해요
- 개자식!

 

- 쌈질을 했어
- 그래!

 

그 여잔
무도회 안갈거야

 

그래, 안 가

 

- "틸리"! 안녕하세요
- 안녕, "칼"

 

무슨 일로?

 

선반 설치하는데
좀 도와줄래?

 

그래요?

 

됐어요
이제 다 끝났어요

 

- 나중에 봬요
- 고마워, "칼"

 

잠깐만 기다려봐

 

뭐하세요?

 

- 이런, 은행 가는걸 깜박했네
- 괜찮아요

 

건망증이 심해졌어

 

- 늙어서 그래
- 돈은 됐어요

 

다른 방법으로
보답할게

 

이웃끼리
돕고 살아야죠

 

이렇게 핸섬한데

 

왜 여자가 없을까?

 

진지한 관계 아녀도
만나는 여잔 있어요

 

- 쏘게 해줄까?
- 네?

 

물총 말이야

 

- 어째야 되죠?
- 아무것도 안해도 돼

 

가만히만 있어
내가 알아서 해줄게

 

뭐라고 해야 할지
당혹스럽지만

 

차마 "예스"라곤
못하겠네요

 

마음은 고마워요
무서운 상상도요

 

전 할 일이 있어서요
나중에 봬요

 

악몽 꾸겠네!

 

미쳐버리겠네!

 

"테렌스" 말처럼
"노"라고 해서야

 

좀 빠져, 하기 싫은건
"노"라고 할거야!

 

착하지

 

긴장 풀어
내가 다 알아서 할게

 

맙소사!

 

정말...

 

어떻게 한 거예요?

 

"코스튬 파티
해리포터 캐릭터 복장 필수"

 

갈게, "놈"

 

칼 앨런: 참석하겠음

 

옛날부터
써보고 싶었죠

 

8시에서 5시 반 사이에
배달 온다구요?

 

시간 되시면

 

- 주님의 말씀 들어보실래요?
- 들어와요

 

- 걸스카우트 쿠키 사세요!
- 쿠키라...

 

좋았어!

 

광고랑 똑같아요!

 

끝내줘요!
너무너무 신나요!

 

기타 배우고 싶어
비행기 조종법도

 

한국어도 배울래

 

코드 다 익혔어요

 

나보고 뭐라구요?

 

노숙자들...

 

식사하세요

 

여기요, 더 줘요?

 

답답한 친구야

 

그래

 

유기농 비료 사업을
시작하려구요

 

다음 분!

 

- 공연... 미안해요
- 보러 갈게!

 

끈기가 대단해!

 

여기요

 

나 왔어

 

잘됐네요

 

롤링록 맥주 줘요

 

- 세상이 열리고
- 죽음의 땅에서

 

밴드가 생겼네

 

그래

 

그게 바로 우리야

 

그래

 

로큰롤을 연주했지

 

그래

 

밴드 멤버들은
해초만 먹어댔어

 

끝내주는 밴드였지

 

안녕? 제이크, 페넬로피
로드리고, 필립, 재커리

 

- 와줘서 고마워!
- 말도 안돼

 

내가 끝냈어야 했어

 

니가 뭔데

 

니가 뭔데

 

모가질 부러뜨리고
침을 뱉고 싶어

 

니가 뭔데

 

네가 죽었다는
전화가 걸려와도

 

니가 뭔데

 

눈 하나 깜빡 않을거야
니가 뭔데

 

니가 뭔데

 

내 친구 "이안" 알아?
컴퓨터 해커인데

 

네 블로그를
지우게 도와줬어

 

네 밴드 블로그랑
카페 게시판도

 

약 오르지, 짜샤!

 

11시 넘어서 전화 마
이젠 싫어

 

한번, 두번

 

세번, 네번, 다섯 번

 

여섯 번은 참았지만
일곱 번은 싫어

 

싫어, 싫어, 싫어

 

네가 하고 싶을 때만

 

연락하잖아

 

11시 넘어서 전화 마
이젠 싫어

 

10시 59분은 돼

 

하지만 11시 넘어선
전화하지마

 

물 좀!

 

기름 떨어지고
키스하자던 남자!

 

우리가 키스를?
맞다, 기억나네

 

- 여긴 어떻게?
- 세상 참 좁지?

 

그러게

 

- 날 스토킹 해?
- 절대 아냐

 

근데 거실 가구들이
참 멋지더라

 

- 공연 정말 멋졌어
- 고마워

 

가사도 강렬하고,
직접 쓴거야?

 

- 경험담이야
- 멋지네

 

한잔 할까?

 

안 돼
일찍 일어나야 돼서

 

- 가야 돼
- 진짜?

 

스쿠터까지만
같이 갈까?

 

조깅 사진 클럽을
운영해

 

운동하면서 사진도 찍는
사람들의 모임

 

곧 유행하겠네

 

그리피스 공원에서
5마일 정도 뛰는데

 

아침 6시에 시작해

 

그 시간에 일어난 적이...
한번도 없어

 

- 꼭두새벽이잖아
- 사진 찍기에는 좋은 시간이야

 

밴드...

 

사진, 조깅...
또 뭐해?

 

하고 싶은건 뭐든

 

쉼터 자원봉사 하고
그림도 그려

 

자원봉사는
나도 좀 해봤어

 

누드모델도 했고

 

좋은 정보네
누드모델 필요하면...

 

내 대답은 "예스"야
데이트 신청 받아줄게

 

데이트 신청
아니거든!

 

누드모델 언급해서...

 

당신이 했잖아

 

누가 먼저 했던
좀 어색하네

 

내일 아침에 올래?

 

진도 좀 천천히
지나치게 적극적이네

 

좋아, 갈게

 

알았어, 내일 봐

 

- "칼"
- "앨리슨"

 

"루니"?

 

"칼", 클럽 가는데

 

밤새 마시고 놀거야
올래?

 

그래

 

모두 준비됐죠?
필름 넣었어요?

 

- "앨리슨"
- 네?

 

플래시 써야돼요?

 

해 떴잖아요
"레지"

 

마시고 죽자 분위기,
너무 좋았어

 

이번 주에 연락해
다시 뭉치자

 

어젯밤을 한마디로
묘사하면 이런거야

 

동감이야
"리", 처음 만났지만

 

이렇게 가까워졌네
"앨리슨", 나 왔어!

 

나야!

 

"앨리슨"!

 

누구야?

 

"루니"랑 새 친구 "리"
남자 간호사래

 

클럽서 밤새 마셨는데
죽여줬어

 

- 아직도 들떴네
- 레드불 마셨어

 

마셔봤어?
처음 마셔봤는데, 끝내줘

 

이건 야광 목걸이

 

환해서
이렇게 해야 보여

 

귀엽네
레드불 안 독해?

 

아니, 전혀!

 

조깅 끝나고
레드불 마실래?

 

혼자 마셔도 좋고
나눠 마셔도 좋고

 

- 좋아, 그럼...
- 레드불

 

- 진짜...
- 레드불

 

- 마시면...
- 레드불

 

- 정말...
- 레드불

 

레드불

 

활기차 보여 좋네
여러분, "칼"이에요

 

- "칼", 인사해
- 안녕하세요!

 

뛰어요!
S라인을 위하여!

 

가만있어요

 

됐어요

 

"칼", 괜찮아?

 

그대로 있어

 

좋아

 

당신, 종잡을 수 없는
사람인 것 같아

 

미스터리처럼...

 

미리 말하지만

 

난 새롭고
돌발적인 삶이 좋아

 

그게 싫다면
당장 끝내자

 

맘에 들어

 

다람쥐 쳇바퀴 돌듯
사는 사람 싫거든

 

- 끔찍해
- 내 말이!

 

판에 박힌 삶을 사는
남자랑

 

잠깐 사귀었는데
무지 답답했어

 

알아, 짜증나지
그런 남잔 교육시켜야 해

 

"정신차려
삶의 묘미를 느껴봐!"

 

맞아

 

쳇바퀴 돌던 남자는
어떻게 됐어?

 

끝났어
얘기하자면 길어

 

어젯밤에 불렀던
그 노래 주인공?

 

어쩌면

 

아직 못 잊었군
명심하고 안 물을게

 

솔직히 말하면
같이 살았었어

 

그가 내 반쪽이라
생각했거든

 

그랬는데 갑자기
떠나버렸어

 

그 후론 못 봤구

 

상처가 컸겠네
유감이야

 

다음부터 긴 얘기는
미리 경고해줘

 

다 듣느라 혼났네

 

- 노력할게
- 곁가지도 좀 쳐내고

 

손이 엄청 맵네

 

즉흥적이고
겁이 없어

 

인생을 제멋대로
즐기며 사는 타입야

 

- 나랑 정반대지
- "칼", 핫소스 좀?

 

네, "파르노쉬"

 

둘이 어디서
만났어?

 

"페르시아 신부 찾기"
너도 들어가 봐

 

- 난 약혼했잖아
- 참!

 

대놓고 "앨리슨"
얘기해도 괜찮아?

 

걱정마
우린 개방적인 관계야

 

- 내가 좋아하는 타입도 아니고
- 다 들려요

 

쏘리!

 

노숙자 안 태워줬으면
그녀를 못 만났을거야

 

이란 여자랑
데이트도 안했겠지

 

- 기분 나빠 말아요
- 괜찮아요

 

내 친구가
"노 맨"인줄 몰랐네

 

아냐, 잘됐어
이것 좀 버려줄래?

 

자기야

 

- "루시", "파르노쉬", "루시"
- 안녕하세요

 

친구란 것들이

 

신부 파티를
안 해주겠대

 

좋은 생각 있어

 

"칼", 네가 신부파티
책임지고 해줄래?

 

알았어

 

그래, 못할거 없지

 

해결됐어

 

- 진짜예요?
- 네!

 

고마워요, "칼"

 

생각도 못했는데
고맙네요

 

멋있어요, "칼"

 

땡큐!

 

참, "앨리슨"과
코스튬 가지러 가야돼

 

무슨 코스튬?

 

엑스펠리아르무스!
장난이야

 

괜찮아, 반사했어

 

헉!

 

코스튬 죽인다

 

사이즈가
애들 것 뿐이라서...

 

이쪽은 "앨리슨",
마법지팡이도 있어

 

"노먼"이군요

 

네, 반가워요
와줘서 고마워요

 

술 있고

 

칩, 소스도 있고...

 

다들 둘처럼
좋은 사람들이야

 

- 고마워
- 밤새 놀거니까

 

초장부터 달리지마

 

- 그쪽을 막아야지
- 잘해봐요

 

소스가 맛있지
"해리 포터"?

 

코스트코에서 샀어

 

회원 카드 있는데

 

그거 있으면
뭐든 살수 있어

 

특별 할인가로!

 

회비만 내면
되는거 아녜요?

 

아녜요, 가입 원하면
추천해줄게요

 

- 부탁해, "놈"
- 그럼 고맙죠

 

집에 가는 기분이
이상하지?

 

"난 집에 가는게 아냐"

 

"안녕"

 

자, 그럼 "비밀의 방"
보고 싶은 사람?

 

- 와줘서 고마웠어요
- 반가웠어요

 

저도요

 

그래, 더 가까이

 

악수처럼 손을 잡고
다른 손으로 안아봐

 

- 등을 쳐
- 알려줘서 고마워

 

- 고맙긴 뭘
- 갈게요

 

전원
호그와트 특급 탑승!

 

이번 역은
아즈카반 교도소!

 

운전해볼래?

 

- 많이 나아졌어
- 그치, 괜찮지?

 

됐어

 

좋은 생각 있어

 

- 들어가면 안돼
- 왜? 무서워?

 

누가 오는거 같애
서둘러!

 

- 우리 미쳤나 봐
- 그래도 재밌잖아

 

너무 멋져

 

동감이야

 

다이아 반지 따윈
필요 없다 말해요

 

그럼 난 만족할게요

 

당신이 원하는 것 중
돈으로는 못 사는걸 말해봐요

 

돈에는 관심 없어요

 

사랑을 돈으로
살순 없잖아요

 

스쿠터 운전 맡긴건
당신이 처음이야

 

야외공연장 무대에서
키스하긴 처음이야

 

굿이브닝, LA

 

"앨리슨" 밴드에게
큰 박수 부탁해요!

 

열혈 팬이에요

 

내가 그녀를
죽였어요

 

유명해지고 싶어서!

 

그런 팬은 사양해

 

- 스토커 같은 팬 많잖아
- 아니

 

- 보통 팬도 없는걸
- 무슨 소리야?

 

바에 남자들 많던데
그 남자들 믿지마

 

나랑 내 친구들까지
9명은 당신팬 될수있어

 

- 여기 몇 명이나 들어올 수 있을까?
- 1만 7천명쯤

 

한 사람당 1,800명씩
데려오면 되겠네

 

필요없어, 내 음악은
주류하곤 거리 멀어

 

- 말도 안돼
- 좋아서 하는거야

 

사진처럼

 

뛰면서 찍은 사진을

 

좋아하는 사람 없지만...

 

난 아무 말 안했어

 

그래도 상관없어
세상은 거대한 놀이터인데

 

어른 되면서

 

노는 법을
다 잊어버려

 

난 당신 음악이 좋아

 

서서 찍는 사진은
아무나 할수 있고

 

- 당신들 뭐야?
- 젠장!

 

- 서!
- 설게요!

 

- "칼", 뛰어!
- 고마워

 

- 거기 서!
- 네!

 

- 바닥에 엎드려!
- 그럴게요!

 

- 뭐하는 거야? 도망쳐!
- 그렇지, 모두를 만족시킬 순 없지

 

뛰어!

 

안녕하심까!

 

비타민C 먹으면 건강해져요
잠시만 기다리세요

 

- 나눠줄래요?
- 네

 

"리"?

 

잘 지냈어, "브리조"?

 

- 말 이상하지?
- "칼", 좀 볼까?

 

잠깐만

 

무슨 일이야?

 

뭔가 심상치 않아

 

본사에서 나온 사람이
자네랑 얘길하고 싶대

 

대출을 남발해서
그런가 봐

 

한창 좋았는데

 

짤릴지도 모르겠어

 

그치만 걱정마
더 좋은 일 생길거야

 

- 나도 책임 있는걸
- 아냐

 

- 안 막았잖아
- "놈"

 

대출 남발해도
허가해줬잖아

 

- 그래
- 지켜만 봤어

 

알아

 

이젠 남자답게 당당히
책임을 져야지

 

- 가자구
- 잠깐 기다려줄래?

 

- 알았어
- "리", 대출 용도가?

 

마지막 고객일지 몰라

 

듀카티 사려고

 

남자 간호사에 대한
편견을 없애고 싶어

 

- 이해하지?
- 그래, 멋진 바이크네

 

짤린 다음에 봐

 

"칼"

 

"웨슬리 파커"일세
부은행장이지

 

반갑습니다

 

2개월 평균 대출이
보통 40건인데

 

자네 경우엔

 

561건일세

 

평균보단 좀 높네요

 

더 이상한건
대출 액수지

 

산악자전거 구입용 250달러 대출
윈드서핑 레슨 위해 600달러 대출

 

해보셨어요?
진짜 재밌어요

 

소액 대출은
우리 분야가 아냐

 

- 제가 설명을...
- 앉아

 

네

 

처음엔 횡령인줄
알았네

 

- 그런 짓 안해요
- 나라도 가능하면 할 텐데?

 

허나

 

자세히 들여다보니

 

대출 받은 고객
98% 이상이

 

연체가 전혀 없더군

 

은행으로선 오히려

 

이익이 늘어난거지
"칼", 자네 판단이 옳았어

 

내가 걱정 말랬지?

 

임원으로 승진시킨다면
어떻게 할텐가?

 

임원요?

 

당연히 제 대답은...

 

잠깐! 수락하기 전에

 

연봉부터 정하죠
정확히 얼마죠?

 

"칼"만 승진될 거니까
자넨 신경 끊게

 

네

 

오늘 오후에
계약서 보내지

 

대단해, "칼"
주먹 치게

 

- 이런, 빗나갔네
- 나랑 쳐

 

난 크림색이 좋은데
어때요?

 

- 좋네요
- 정말요?

 

네

 

신부파티 빙고?
어떻게 하는거죠?

 

빙고랑 똑같은데

 

신부의 안 좋은 점을
폭로하는 게임예요

 

그건 안할래요

 

복잡한건 싫어요

 

평생 한번 하는데
해볼건 다 해야죠

 

복잡하진 않죠?
복잡해요?

 

물어볼거 아직 많아요?
좀 바쁘거든요

 

- 다른 데로 가요
- 괜찮아요, 내가 말해볼게요

 

좋아요!

 

신부파티 빙고는
아주 간단해요

 

원하시면 자세히
설명해드릴게요

 

무슨 일이에요?

 

누가 자살하려고
한대요

 

투신한대요

 

무슨 구경났어?

 

손가락질 하지마!

 

그 개 치워!

 

옆으로 좀 비켜줄래?

 

신고했어요?

 

경찰 기다리면 늦어요
그전에 설득해야 돼요

 

- 비켜!
- 누가 좀 말려요!

 

이봐요

 

당신은 뭐야?

 

난 죽을 거니까
막을 생각 하지마

 

- 알았어요
- 알았다구?

 

아뇨, 그런 뜻 아녜요
잠깐만요

 

못 뛰어내리게
설득해야 하는데

 

생각나는 말이
없네요

 

한심하네!
당신 경찰 맞아?

 

생각 중이니까
기다려봐요!

 

잠깐만!
생각났어요

 

어디 가?

 

- 형씨?
- 잠깐만 기다려요!

 

인내심은
미덕이라구요!

 

안에서 뭐하는 거야?

 

난간에서 내려와요
친구여

 

거짓으로 가득찬
세상이 싫다 해도

 

날 다신 안 본다 해도

 

이해할게요

 

이해할게요

 

다음은 뭐지?

 

분노에 미쳐버린
그 소년

 

혼자만의 아픔을
삼키며

 

미련 없이 떠나길 원해

 

누구한테나
이유는 있죠

 

세상 모두에게

 

과거는 잊어요

 

난간에서 내려와요
친구여

 

거짓으로 가득찬
세상이 싫다 해도

 

날 다신 안 본다 해도

 

이해할게요

 

이해할게요

 

손에 물집 잡혔어!

 

"칼"!

 

"스테파니", "테드"

 

잘 지냈지?
여긴 웬일이야?

 

타히티에 가
"테드" 아버님의 작은 땅이 있거든

 

12만 평이 작은건
아니지, 타히티에선...

 

TV에서 봤어
정말 대단하더라

 

목숨 좀 구해준게
뭐 대수라고

 

- 자긴 어디 가?
- 여자친구랑 무작정

 

- 떠나기로 했어
- 진짜?

 

응, 아무데나 골라서
다녀 오려구

 

요즘 막 살거든
나중에 봐

 

- 재밌겠는걸
- 상상이 돼?

 

아니

 

핸드캐리 뿐이에요

 

아무데나 당장 떠나는
첫 비행기표 2장요

 

이런 적 처음예요

 

바로 출발하는
비행기 목적지가...

 

네브래스카
링컨이네요

 

좋아요

 

- 진짜?
- 링컨!

 

표 줘요

 

여기 볼게 뭐 있지?

 

일단 저기부터!

 

전화 박물관

 

"최초의 전화교환기는"

 

"무게가 5kg에 달했다"

 

- 흥미롭네
- 이것 봐

 

- 최초의 전화통화
- 멋져

 

전화기를 봐

 

- 생각보다 작네
- 잠깐, 전화 왔어

 

여보세요?

 

나이스 샷

 

- 내가 한 사격 하거든
- 섹시해 보여

 

어떻게 쏴?

 

- 조심해요
- 여기요

 

네

 

플...?

 

- 맞췄어요!
- 명중예요!

 

또 쏴도 돼요?
왜 그래요?

 

관중 여러분

 

네브래스카 대학
선수들을 위해 큰 박수를!

 

오클라호마 승리에
20불 걸게

 

"피트", 잔 쟁반에 놔

 

요즘 여기 살아?

 

응, "칼"이
여기 살아도 된댔어

 

봐!
"칼" 아냐?

 

- 잠깐만
- 기다려

 

네브래스카에 갔네

 

중요한 과정이에요
닭모가지를 제대로 안 따면

 

제품에
섞여 들어가거든요

 

닭고기 먹다가
머리나 심줄 나오면

 

고소 당하죠

 

닭모가지 대목서
1명 기절했어요

 

창피하게 넘어지다니

 

- 기절했으면서 뭘
- 아냐, 못을 밟았었어

 

닭대가리 나온단 말에
기절한 줄 알았지

 

그 얘긴 그만!

 

이런, 비가 오네

 

여기, 이걸 써

 

가자

 

꾸물댈 시간 없어
비 피할 곳 찾아야지

 

어서!

 

여기로 들어가
됐어

 

괜찮아?

 

다친 데 없어?
괜찮아?

 

왜?

 

당신을 사랑해

 

진짜?

 

좋아하기만 했는데
이젠 사랑할래

 

- 나 사랑해?
- 물론이지

 

얼마나 사랑하는지

 

믿기지 않을 만큼
무지 사랑해

 

생각해봤는데...

 

미친 소리 같지만

 

LA로 돌아가면
우리 같이 살자

 

진짜?
정말 그러고 싶어?

 

어때?

 

- 어떠냐구? 좋지!
- 망설였어

 

- 아냐
- 그랬어

 

아냐, 뜻밖이라서...

 

괜한 소릴 했네
너무 빨랐어

 

아냐, 무슨 소리야?
다시 물어봐

 

- 우리 같이...
- 예스!

 

봤지? 백만 분의
1초도 안 망설였어

 

- 가시는 곳이?
- LA요

 

잠시만요

 

주말마다 여행 하자
세상을 다 보는거야

 

찬성!

 

- 괜찮아?
- 응

 

선생님?

 

- 같이 가실까요?
- 네?

 

몇 가지
물어볼 게 있소

 

정말 재밌었어
좋았어

 

완벽해요
당신도 한패예요?

 

진짠 줄 알았잖아요

 

정신병자 출현!
적색경보 발령!

 

- 끝내줬어요
- 갑시다, 개그맨 양반

 

당신도

 

- 조국을 증오합니까?
- 뭐라구요?

 

- 미국을 증오해요?
- 아뇨! 당연히 아니죠

 

그럼 왜 테러
음모를 꾸몄소?

 

- 네?
- 잘못 아셨어요

 

내가 댁한테 물었소?

 

당신을 추적해왔소
당신의 정체와

 

- 음모까지 알지
- 말도 안돼, 내가 테러범 같아요?

 

왜 갑자기
항공권을 샀소?

 

즉흥적으로 떠난
여행이었어요

 

애인과 주말 여행을

 

촌동네인 네브래스카
링컨으로 왔다?

 

"페르시아 신부 찾기"
회원입니까?

 

- 네, 그건...
- "네"라구? 누구야?

 

"파르노쉬"
다 설명해줄게

 

이걸 설명해보시지
비료 사업자한테

 

왜 대출을 해줬소?

 

- 폭탄 만들라고?
- 아뇨!

 

비행기 조종 배우지?

 

- 네
- 한국어는 왜 배웠나?

 

- 북한 첩자인가?
- 아뇨!

 

6개월 만에
이혼한 이유는?

 

- 결혼했었어?
- 그래

 

옛날 얘기야
말하려고 했어

 

기회가 없어서...

 

말해, "칼"
본명이긴 한가?

 

"칼"이라고 유명한
공산당이 있지?

 

성이 "마르크스"지

 

변호사 부를래요

 

제 의뢰인은 몇 달 전
"예스"를 통해

 

삶을 변화시키는
세미나에 참석했어요

 

의심스러워
보이겠지만

 

비행기 조종,
갑작스런 주말여행

 

다 "예스"라고
해야 했기 때문입니다

 

- "예스"가 죄죠
- 무조건 "예스"라구?

 

- 장난해?
- 그런 게 아냐

 

그럼 뭐야? 말해 봐

 

조용한 곳에 가서
얘기할까요?

 

그게 좋겠군요
밖으로 나가죠

 

- 큰일날뻔했네
- 뭐야, "칼"?

 

정말 다
"예스"한거야?

 

- 내키지 않아도?
- 그건 아냐

 

- 가끔은 했지만...
- 거짓말로 속인건

 

아녀서 다행이네
고마워! 눈물 날 지경이야

 

공연에 온 것도
진심이 아녔고

 

조깅이나 여행도
진심 아니었네?

 

여행은 내가
제안한 거잖아!

 

같이 살자는거,

 

난 진심이었어

 

난 그저 당신이

 

부담 돼서

 

망설인 줄 알았는데

 

"노"라고 못하니
마지못해 한거였네

 

- 꼭 그런건 아냐
- 진짜 원해서인지

 

그 세미나 때문인지
내가 어떻게 알아?

 

"앨리슨"

 

안녕, "칼"!

 

결혼했던 것도 말 않고
난 정말 바보야!

 

- 어쨌는지 알아?
- 뭐?

 

같이 살자고 했는데
망설였어

 

재깍 "예스"라고
말했어야 했는데

 

그게 원인이야
서약을 깼잖아

 

서약 때문이 아니라

 

무조건 "예스"라고 한게
문제였다고 생각진 않아?

 

우주와 한 서약이었어

 

여긴 지구야

 

신중히 생각하고 결정해야지
평범한 지구인들은

 

다 그렇게 한다구

 

맞는 말야, 잠깐만...
"앨리슨"!

 

관둬!

 

"앨리슨"!
제발 얘기 좀 해

 

- 떨어져
- 알았어

 

- 더 멀리
- 네

 

"칼"

 

잘 가

 

- 맛있는 요리가 좋아요
- 나도요

 

진짜요?

 

우린 닮은 구석이
많아요

 

또 나야

 

정확히
15~20퍼센트입니다

 

그래야 수익이...

 

발신자: "칼"

 

난 이제 손 뗄게요

 

이제 혼자서
조종하는 거요

 

멋지네요

 

단독 조종만큼
짜릿한 것도 없죠

 

안녕? 제이크, 로드리고
페넬로피, 필립, 재커리

 

와줘서 고마워

 

의무감이 아닌
진심으로 와줘서!

 

억지로 와있는 사람은
다리에서 뛰어 내려요

 

"앨리슨"?

 

"웨스"일세
통화하기 힘든가?

 

- 아뇨, 그냥 매달려 있는걸요
- 그냥 걸었네

 

요즘 일이
어떤가 해서

 

징징대는 고객들
상대보단 낫지?

 

- 그래도...
- 잠깐 기다리게

 

"웨스"?
들려요?

 

공 찾아와!

 

맡길 일이 있네
지점을 닫을건데

 

- 해고 통보를 하게
- 닫는다구요?

 

어느 지점이요?

 

여긴 스파르타다!

 

안녕, "놈"

 

신규 메시지 3개

 

"칼"
난 자네 응답기야!

 

사실 "놈"인데
오늘밤에 파티 있어

 

이따 보자구
교신 끝!

 

"루니"인데
차 빌려줘서 고마워

 

앞 범퍼가 떨어졌는데

 

보험사 연락해서
다 처리했어

 

그리고 빨래 좀 부탁해
사랑한다, 친구야

 

"피터"야
확인 전화 한거야

 

내일이 "루시"
신부 파티인거 알지?

 

연락이 없으니까
걱정돼서

 

- 신부파티! 젠장!
- 잊지마

 

알았지? 전화해

 

어서 와

 

- 무슨 일이야?
- 할 얘기가 있어

 

뭔데?

 

들어가서 말해줄게

 

서프라이즈!

 

- 세상에!
- 축하해!

 

어떻게 한거야?

 

지인들 좀 모았지
돈다발도 뿌리고

 

아주 근사해

 

- "루니"
- 축하해

 

- 비료 사업하는 "버트"
- 안녕하세요

 

- "리"는 간호사
- 알아

 

곧 족쇄 찰 남자한테
술 줘요!

 

술값은 "칼"이!

 

먹을래요?

 

- 고마워요
- 뭘요

 

- "존 굿맨"이군요
- "알렉 볼드윈"예요

 

그러네요
완전 똑같아요

 

"놈", 와줘서 고마워

 

- 좀 어때?
- 그럭저럭

 

죽지 못해 사는거지 뭐

 

소개해줄 사람 있어

 

- "노먼", "수미"씨야
- 안녕하세요

 

- "수"라고 불러도?
- 네

 

춤 추세요?

 

상도 여러 번 탔죠
실력 보여줄게요

 

- 재밌는 사진이네요
- 네, 반값에 팔아요

 

- 최고의 신부파티야
- 네가 최고니까

 

- 좀 괜찮아?
- 응

 

- 전화 왔었어?
- 아니

 

- 어쩔거야?
- 모르겠어

 

서약했던 대로 계속
"예스"라고 해야지

 

바보 같은 소리지만

 

좋은 일 생길거야

 

바보 같기는...
한심하긴 하다

 

내일 저녁 먹을까?

 

그래
의무감이 아냐

 

- 의무감이잖아
- 응

 

- 원하기도 하고
- 맞아

 

- 간절해
- 나도 그래

 

- 그 생각뿐인걸
- 진짜?

 

안녕!

 

안녕하세요

 

"틸리" 부인이군요

 

- 기술 좋으시다고 들었어요
- 그래요?

 

- 나 좀 도와줄라우?
- 얼마든지요

 

가죠

 

- 여보세요?
- "칼"

 

- "스테파니", 왜 그래?
- 와줄수 있어?

 

크게 싸웠는데
나가버렸어

 

화 풀리면 들어오겠지

 

아니

 

- 이번엔 아냐, 끝난거 같애
- 그래?

 

잘된 건지도 몰라

 

처음부터 실수였단
생각이 들었었거든

 

- 그래?
- 모르겠어, 너무 혼란스러워

 

내 생각엔...

 

- 자고 가
- "스테파니"

 

"스테파니"

 

난 못해

 

미안해

 

무슨 소리야?

 

"노"라구

 

나 벌받는 거야?

 

맙소사!

 

좀 봐줘요

 

주차금지인지 몰랐어요
겨우 20분 세웠구요

 

- 미안하군요
- 그러지 말고 좀 봐줘요

 

"노 맨"! "노 맨"!

 

불가능해!

 

등신

 

26장, "예스"와 각운이
맞는 단어는?

 

게스, 메스

 

"테스"는 이름이고
"레스"는 명사이자 이름

 

- 놀라지 마요
- 뭐야?

 

방금 그 간호사
나한테 완전 빠졌어

 

자꾸 날 보러 와서
부담돼 죽겠네

 

간호사잖아
"칼" 보러 오는거지

 

"피터"

 

그 서약...

 

괜찮냐?

 

서약을 안 지켜서
벌받는 거야

 

- 또 그 헛소리네
- 헛소리가 아냐

 

헛소리야

 

그 사람이야

 

"테렌스", 제발
그 서약 취소해줘요

 

그보다
내 차엔 왜 탄거야?

 

서약 취소를
부탁하려구요

 

서약 따윈 없어
내가 지어낸 거라구

 

- 지어내요?
- 앞으로 나오래도

 

말을 안 듣길래
회원들한테 창피 안 당하려고

 

"예스" 철학이
다 헛소리라구요?

 

진정한 의미를
이해 못했군

 

무조건 "예스"라고
하랬잖아요

 

핵심은 그게 아냐

 

타인들에게
자신의 마음을 여는

 

첫 단계인 셈이지

 

시간이 지나면
의무감이나

 

서약 때문이 아니라

 

진심으로 우러나
"예스"라고 하는거야

 

맞아요

 

- 이제 다 이해돼요
- 내가 그랬지?

 

- 아니, 아냐
- 그랬잖아

 

- 뉘앙스만 틀렸지
- 상관없어

 

고마워요, "테렌스"
차는 미안해요, 머리도...

 

- 몇 시야?
- 새벽 5시 40분

 

완벽해

 

나도 그렇게
말해줬어요

 

상관없어

 

간호사 올지 모르니
내가 누워있을게

 

- 병실로 가세요!
- "노"!

 

- 거기 서요!
- 싫어!

 

- "리"! 여기서 뭐해?
- 나 간호사잖아

 

참, 그렇지
미안해, 차 좀 빌려줄래?

 

차 없어
덕분에 듀카티 샀잖아

 

듀카티라...

 

이런 바이크 타봤어?
힘이 엄청나

 

"앨리슨"이랑
스쿠터 자주 탔는걸

 

아냐, 스쿠터하곤
차원이 달라

 

조심해, 알았지?
너무 당기면...

 

바퀴가 들려

 

- 안녕하쇼?
- 살만해요!

 

비켜요!

 

- 조심해!
- 쏘리!

 

망할 폭주족!

 

"칼", 여긴 왜 왔어?

 

당신이랑 살기 싫단
말을 해주려구

 

고맙네요
바이크 탄 왕자님!

 

여러분, 가요!

 

다시 만나고 싶어

 

난 싫어!
당신도 잘 모르고!

 

같이 사는거 외엔
다 진심이었어

 

긴장됐었어
망설이는 게 당연하지

 

충동적으로 결정할
일이 아니니까

 

왜?
뭐든 "예스" 한다며!

 

아니, 원하지 않음
"노"라고도 해

 

어디 써있는데?
"예스맨" 교과서에?

 

단점 많은
철학인거 알아

 

내가 보기엔
완벽한데, 뭘!

 

그렇게 안했으면
당신도 못만났어

 

예전의 "칼"은
용기가 없었거든

 

"예스맨"으로 살면
사람들이 날 투명인간처럼

 

내버려둘 줄 알았어

 

나눌 것이 없는
존재로...

 

지금은 달라졌어
당신과 내 모든걸

 

나누고 싶어

 

- 그만 찍을래요?
- 그만둬요

 

흥미로운 광경이라

 

"예스맨"이 아녔다면
데이트 신청도 못했겠지

 

나랑 완전히
다른 사람이니까

 

친구도 많고
밴드 공연도 하구

 

두려운 게 없잖아

 

내가 두려운 게
없다고 생각해?

 

나도 무서운 게
얼마나 많다구

 

나도 무서워

 

우리, 같이 무서워하자

 

무슨 대답을 원해?

 

"예스"!

 

진심으로 원한다면...

 

빨리 말해줄래?
무진장 춥거든

 

그런 거 같네

 

어때?

 

- "어쩌면"
- 그러지 마

 

- 원하는 단어는 말해주기 싫어
- "어쩌면"도 좋아

 

충분해

 

- 제발 좀!
- "레지"!

 

주름 잡힌 바지는
유행 지났어

 

다른 건 없수?

 

"수미"
유행 지났대요

 

고마워요

 

이렇게 많은
옷 기부는 처음이에요

 

"칼" 생각이었어요

 

좋은 분이군요

 

아뇨, 저보다 좋은 분
많은걸요

 

백만 번을 외치고
백만 번 더 외치세요

 

여러분이 2백만 번
외칠 말은?

 

예스!

 

맙소사!

 

예스 맨
(Yes Man, 2008)

 

다른 주의사항은?

 

멈출 때 턱과 이마를

 

조심해요

 

알았어요

 

대출받은 덕분에
완성했어요

 

지금도 안 늦었어
겁나면 포기해

 

뭐라구?

 

겁쟁이라도 당신을
좋아할 테니까

 

닭대가리 보고

 

기절한 사람이
누구더라?

 

밑에서 만나
기절하지 말구!

 

그땐
못을 밟았다니까!

 

너무 재밌다!

 

[KOREAN]

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

No.

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

No means no.

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

[PHONE BLEEPING]

 

[IN DEEP TONE]
Bonjour.

 

PETE:
Carl, I know it's you.

 

Oh. Hey, man.

 

I was just about to call you.
That's so weird.

 

Had your number dialed,
was about to press "send."

 

Did you block your number?

 

Yeah, I did. You never answer
when I don 't.

 

So, what are you doing?

 

Oh, just hanging out in my apartment.

 

- You did get my text, right?
-What? T ext? What?

 

We're all going out tonight.

 

Man, that sounds great.
I wish I could join you.

 

I'm just so jammed up.

 

I'm totally off the grid,
you know?

 

No, I don 't at all.

 

I got a bunch of stuff going on.
There's this thing I gotta do.

 

Any other night would've been great.
Darn it to heck.

 

Thing? What thing?

 

Thing, you know, just a thing.

 

If I had my thing in front of me,
I could tell you what it is...

 

-...but I know there's a thing.
-A thing.

 

I don 't think there's anything
written down in your fake calendar.

 

No, it says specific things.

 

Specific things.
Like "get in line at the video store "?

 

What? What are you talking about?

 

I'm not at the video store.
I'm in my apartment.

 

I can see you, Carl.
I'm outside the video store.

 

-That's not me.
-It's not?

 

Oh, I know what's happening.
There is this guy who Iooks just Iike me...

 

...who goes to a Iot of
the same stores I do.

 

That's probably who you're seeing.

 

Wow, that's amazing...

 

...because his mouth is moving
in sync with what you're saying.

 

[MOUTHING NONSENSE]

 

Carl, I know you're not saying anything.

 

Carl, get outside.
I know you're not talking.

 

-What? AII right.
-Carl.

 

PETE: Look who's here.
CARL: Hey. You.

 

LUCY:
Hi.

 

ROONEY: I don't believe it.
CARL: Rooney.

 

Carl AIIen.
Never thought I'd see the day, my man.

 

CARL: Hey.
-Thought you hung up the spurs, cowboy.

 

No, I just got a Iot of stuff going on...

 

...some things I gotta do, issues pending,
keep me pretty busy.

 

Yeah? Oh, I hear you, player.

 

So we are really excited
for you to be here, Carl...

 

...because we have an announcement
to make.

 

Honey, show him.

 

There it is. Deal with it.

 

LUCY:
We're engaged.

 

-Oh, my God. Come on.
PETE: Right?

 

CARL: Big step, huh?
-Yeah, it's a big step. It's a huge one.

 

Man. Moving fast. That's okay.

 

What has it been, six months?

 

-No.
-Two years.

 

Oh, yeah. That's about right, then.

 

So anyway, we're gonna have
an engagement party on the 21 st. Open bar.

 

Oh, you bastard.
AIways knows how to get me.

 

Nice. Carl, does that work for you?

 

-Yeah, we'II figure it out.
-What's there to figure out?

 

Oh, God, Iook who's here.

 

PETE: I'm not falling for that, Carl.
What's to figure out?

 

-Open bar. What's the problem?
-I'm serious. Stephanie's at the bar.

 

-The Stephanie?
-Yes, my ex-wife. She's at the bar.

 

PETE:
Oh, God, that is Stephanie.

 

-Looks Iike she's with someone there too.
-They seem to be thriving. Good for her.

 

They're touching each other's genitals.
Isn't that amazing?

 

I'm so glad I came out. Love it.
Okay, you know what? I gotta go.

 

-No. No. Carl, you're gonna stay.
-What?

 

It's been years.
You Ieave every time she comes.

 

Totally unrelated. It has nothing
to do with Stephanie.

 

Carl. Peter.

 

-Rooney.
-Stephanie, guys.

 

PETER:
Hey.

 

-My boyfriend, Ted.
-Hey.

 

-I don't believe we....
-No, I don't believe we have.

 

-You're Ieaving?
-Yeah, unfortunately.

 

Terrible timing too,
because you just got here.

 

You just got here, too, Carl.

 

Yeah, but he's got a thing.

 

Yeah, that's a thing. There's a thing,
and there's no time.

 

There's a time crunch,
and time is of the essence.

 

Anyway, I am gone-orrhea.

 

Wow. That didn't sound quite right.
Oh, well.

 

Whoa!

 

See you, guys.

 

[SIGHS]

 

-Oh! Hi, Tillie.
-Morning, Carl.

 

Would you Iike to come over
for a Iittle breakfast?

 

Gee, that sounds great, but I can't.

 

-Some cereal, a Iittle yogurt?
-Yeah, no.

 

How about some toast, huh?

 

You know, I have to go to work,
but thanks.

 

MAN:
Good show tonight. Come check us out.

 

Your Ioss. Hey, man,
wanna rock out tonight?

 

-Oh, it's you. Let me guess, no?
-Yep.

 

-Yes?
-No, I meant yes to your no.

 

Yeah, bye.

 

CARL:
Persianwifefinder.com. No, thank you.

 

Costume party. Yeah, no.

 

Oh, boy.

 

Here we go.

 

-Carl AIIen has reported for duty.
-I'm not a soldier, Norman.

 

You're a soldier on the front Iine
of finance.

 

Norman. Line one.

 

Did you wanna get that?
In the privacy of your office?

 

-I'II just get it here.
-Yeah, or that.

 

You're with Norman.

 

Uh-huh. Are you sure? Because--
Okay. Yep. Whatever you say.

 

Okay.

 

Remember that promotion
we were talking about?

 

-Yeah.
-It's not gonna happen.

 

Tried to fight for you on the phone there.

 

It was between you and Demko,
and they went with Demko.

 

I don't care.
I didn't really want the job badly.

 

I just figured after five years,
I'd be the Iogical choice, but whatever.

 

Look at it this way:
at Ieast you didn't get shit-canned.

 

-Do you know what that means?
-Fired?

 

How did you know what that meant?
Have you heard me say that before?

 

No, it's a pretty common expression.

 

-In my circles. I made it up.
-Well, it's catching on.

 

This'II cheer you up.
I'm having a Iittle get-together at my place.

 

-It's a funny hat and-or wig party.
-Oh, man.

 

Sucks I'm gonna be out of town.

 

-You don't know what day it is.
-When is it?

 

-Friday.
-I'm out of town.

 

You spoke at the same time
I did just then.

 

Like you were committed
to saying what you were saying...

 

-...regardless of what I was gonna say.
-Hm.

 

I admit, business has been slow.

 

There's a Iot Iess demand
for a small Rollerblade shop...

 

...what with Big 5
and Sport Chalet...

 

...but my designs are gonna
revolutionize the roller industry.

 

I know that, Marv,
but you have no equity.

 

-None.
-And your credit--

 

Bad, but I don't wanna
sound desperate.

 

-Yeah.
-I have no other options Ieft.

 

[PHONE RINGS]

 

Carl. Hey. Long time no see.

 

Nick Lane? Hey.

 

-You don't still work at the bank, do you?
-Yeah.

 

Kind of why I'm sitting outside here,
eating my Iunch, wearing the nametag.

 

You must be running this place by now.

 

I could have. Had a couple offers.
Didn't wanna get tied down.

 

-How's Stephanie?
-Good.

 

God.

 

She's good. What have you been doing?

 

I've been all over the map, man.
I've Iived.

 

I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.
I ate bat in Laos.

 

I shot a cow with a bazooka.

 

I'm not proud of that Iast one,
but I did it, man.

 

-Sounds wild.
-Wanna know my secret?

 

I'm a yes man.

 

The word "yes"
has changed my Iife. Here.

 

No, thanks. I'm fine.

 

"Fine? " I wipe my ass with "fine."

 

Wow. Okay.

 

-You don't wanna work here, Carl.
-Yeah, I do.

 

No, you don't.

 

Why don't you take this rock...

 

...throw it at that bank
and shatter the window?

 

-No, thanks.
-Then ask me if I want to.

 

-Do you wanna throw that rock at the bank?
-Yes.

 

Oh, my God.

 

-What are you, nuts?
-Go to the seminar, Carl.

 

SECURITY 1 :
Stay right there.

 

SECURITY 2: He's gonna break.
-Stop.

 

Carl, Iive your Iife!
You won't regret it.

 

NICK: Whoo!
SECURITY 1 : Hey, stop. Stop!

 

[PHONE RINGS]

 

-I know you wanna see my band.
-No.

 

Sorry.

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

STEPHANIE: Hello?
-Stephanie?

 

-Carl.
- Yeah, it's me.

 

Just felt Iike calling you.
I was missing you, I guess. Weird, huh?

 

Yes, Carl. I have to go.

 

-Ted and I are taking a Iittle boat ride.
-Oh, that's great.

 

Good for you. Good for you.

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

Jesus, Pete. I'm not in or I'm busy.

 

[MAN GRUNTING & SCREAMING ON TV]

 

Oh, come on. You're halfway through,
just snap it off already.

 

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

 

-Pete? Hey. Where you been?
-You not been getting my calls?

 

What? God, no.
Oh, I totally Iost my phone.

 

You're so full of shit.

 

[PHONE RINGS]

 

-Here it is.
-Yeah. There it is.

 

You know what, buddy?
You missed my engagement party tonight.

 

Oh, no. Oh, shoot, you're kidding.
That was tonight?

 

-Mm-hm.
-I'm so sorry, man. I totally gapped it.

 

Listen, I'II make it up to you.
I promise. I swear.

 

You pick the day. Any day you want,
we'II go out, swashbuckle.

 

-What does that even mean?
-I don't know.

 

This wasn't drinks at a bar, Carl.
This was my engagement party.

 

-You only get married once.
-I certainly wouldn't do it again.

 

I know, Carl.
I know that Stephanie Ieft you.

 

And I know that you have issues because
of it, but this isn't about you. It's about me.

 

When's the Iast time you did anything fun?
You always make excuses.

 

"I don't wanna commit.
I don't wanna be tied down."

 

I mean, do you even know
my fiancee's Iast name?

 

Yeah. Fisher. Fishman.

 

-Wait. Fishwall?
-Fishwall?

 

-You think her name's Lucy Fishwall?
-No? That's wrong?

 

-It's Burns.
-Burns?

 

It's Lucy Burns, Carl.

 

And guess what?
She doesn't Iike my best friend.

 

I keep trying to think of reasons
why she should, but you know what?

 

-I can't think of any.
-Pete, I--

 

I don't wanna hear another excuse, Carl.
You do whatever you want.

 

I'm telling you, you don't change your Iife,
you're gonna end up Ionely.

 

A Ionely guy, Carl. Lonely guy.

 

Hey, Carl.

 

Hey, Rooney, come here for a second.

 

Carl Iook a Iittle odd to you? Is it me,
or does it Iook Iike he's kind of dead?

 

Nope. No more than usual.

 

I don't know. I'm kind of Ieaning towards
thinking he might actually be dead.

 

I guess I never saw him a Iot,
so it's hard for me to tell the difference.

 

Yeah, that's true.

 

He never did much.

 

-Wasn't a good friend.
-Nope.

 

Wasn't a good anything.

 

-Are there more beers in the fridge?
-Sorry, Iast one.

 

Now, that's upsetting.

 

[GASPING]

 

What was that?

 

WOMAN [ON TV] :
Welcome to yes. We are about to begin.

 

Please, find a seat.

 

Carl? Hey, Carl! Psst!

 

Carl, man, hey.

 

-Carl.
-Hey, Nick.

 

-You made it, man.
-Did you wanna--

 

Sure, Iet me sit down.
I knew you'd come.

 

I saw it in your eyes, man.
You're gonna Iove this. Terrence is a genius.

 

He's gonna blow your mind all over
the room. He's Iike a mind grenade.

 

-I'm not sure I want that.
-Yeah, but you need it.

 

That's why you're here.

 

You have got to start saying yes, my man,
and I mean to everything.

 

It's starting.

 

TERRENCE [ON PA] :
Life.

 

We are all living it, Or are we?

 

Ooh, heavy.

 

Change is generated from consciousness,
but where is consciousness generated from?

 

From the external.

 

And how do we control the external?
With one word.

 

And what is that word?

 

CROWD: Yes!
CARL: Jeez.

 

[TECHNO MUSIC BLARING]

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

MAN 1 :
Yes.

 

MAN 2:
Yes.

 

WOMAN 1 : Yes, yes, yes!
WOMAN 2: Yes. Yes!

 

MAN 3: Yes!
NICK: Whoo!

 

TERRENCE:
The word is "yes."

 

Yes, yes, yes.

 

-Say it a million times.
MAN 4: Yes.

 

Say it a million more times.

 

And the word you will have said
2 million times is:

 

CROWD:
Yes!

 

MAN 5:
Yes.

 

I want you to invite yes into your Iives...

 

...because it will RSVP "yes."

 

When you say yes to things,
you embrace the possible.

 

You gobble up all of Iife's energies,
and you excrete the waste.

 

Before we begin today,
I'd Iike to welcome our new members.

 

-Who among you is new?
NICK: He is. This guy right here. He's new.

 

-Over here.
CARL: PIease don't. Jesus.

 

-Come on up, future yes man.
CARL: That's okay, I'm just auditing.

 

[CROWD LAUGHING]

 

You can't audit Iife, my friend.
Now get on up here.

 

-No, thanks. I'm cool.
-I'm sorry? What was that you said?

 

-I said, I'm cool.
TERRENCE: Before that.

 

Thank you.

 

Back up just a Iittle bit more.

 

-No.
CROWD: No man. No man.

 

No man. No man. No man.

 

No man. No man.

 

Okay.

 

If the molehill won't come to Terrence...

 

...Terrence will come to the molehill.

 

What's your name?

 

Carl.

 

Let me guess, Carl.

 

Someone talked you
into coming here today, didn't they?

 

-Yes.
CROWD: Yes!

 

And you're not sure about this, are you?

 

No.

 

CROWD:
No man. No man. No man. No man.

 

You're dead, Carl.

 

You say no to Iife,
and therefore you're not Iiving.

 

You make up excuses
to the people around you...

 

...and to yourself.

 

You're stuck in the same dead-end job.
You have been for years.

 

You don't have a girlfriend. You don't
have anything close to a girlfriend.

 

And you Iost the Iove of your Iife...

 

...because she couldn't be with someone
who didn't Iive theirs.

 

And on most nights you're so bored
and filled with ennui...

 

...you can't even summon the enthusiasm
necessary to masturbate.

 

Am I right, Carl?

 

I have had some trouble.

 

-We're gonna make a covenant, Carl.
MAN 1 : Yes.

 

-Do you want to make a covenant?
-Ugh....

 

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

 

The word is "yes," Carl.

 

CROWD: Yes!
-Yes.

 

CROWD: Yes!
-Yes.

 

CROWD:
Yes!

 

Once you Ieave this building...

 

...every time an opportunity
presents itself...

 

...no matter what it is...

 

...you will say yes.

 

CROWD: Yes.
-Yes!

 

CROWD: Yes.
-Yes!

 

CROWD: Yes.
-Yes.

 

What if I...

 

...say...

 

...the other word?

 

You'II be making a promise to yourself.

 

And when you break a promise
to yourself...

 

...things can get a Iittle dicey.

 

What do you say, Carl?

 

Are you ready to make a covenant?

 

MAN 2: Come on, Carl.
-Yes.

 

CROWD: Yes.
-Yes.

 

CROWD: Yes.
-Again.

 

-Yes.
CROWD: Yes.

 

-Say it again.
-Yes!

 

-Make me believe it.
-Yes, yes, yes.

 

Yes!

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

[TECHNO MUSIC BLARING]

 

[NICK WHISTLING]

 

Hey, there he is.

 

-That was really wonderful.
-Thank you.

 

Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

 

-Hey. Good to have you with us.
WOMAN: Yes.

 

-So are you gonna do it?
-I don't know. Maybe.

 

That's weird. I didn't realize
we just stepped out of a "maybe" seminar.

 

Hey, man. That's a nice car.

 

Could you drive me to EIysian Park?

 

Oh. Ugh....

 

NICK:
Yes!

 

Sure he can. Right, Carl?

 

Yeah, why not?

 

Yes. You won't regret this, Carl.

 

-Can I use your phone?
-Go, man, go.

 

[NICK LAUGHING]

 

[SNIFFING]

 

[HOBO LAUGHING]

 

Keep going or this'II do,
because it doesn't really matter?

 

Yeah, hold on a sec,
I can't hear myself think.

 

It's just a Iittle further, man.
Just right up the hill there.

 

Go ahead.

 

[HOBO LAUGHING]

 

HOBO:
And what did you say?

 

HOBO:
Oh, I'm just right over here. Okay. Yeah.

 

What? Hello? Hello?

 

[PHONE BLEEPING]

 

Oh, shit, man. Your battery's dead.

 

Oh, great.

 

-Thanks.
-Well, gracias, amigo,

 

I mean, it's real nice of you
to give me a ride. Most people just say no.

 

Course, I have been having a Iot of Iuck
Iately outside of that hotel.

 

No problem. Have a good night.

 

Can I borrow a couple bucks?

 

Okay.

 

I've come this far.

 

Yes, you can.

 

You got a whole Iot there.
Can I have it all?

 

[BOTH LAUGHING]

 

Sure. It's all yours.

 

God bless you, man.

 

Oh, come on.

 

Come on, come on.

 

[CAR STALLING]

 

Perfect.

 

CARL: Hey, Carl. Do you wanna give
all your money away to a homeless guy?

 

Yes, yes, I do.

 

Letting him
burn out your phone...

 

...so you can't call AAA
when you run out of gas?

 

That sounds Iike a fucking great idea!

 

Why don't you take a stroll
through the hills...

 

...and get killed by the Manson family?
Don't mind if I do.

 

Come on, man.

 

Yes. Since that's my only fucking option.

 

Would you Iike to carry a 20-pound
container of gas up a giant hill to your car?

 

Oh, could I? Could I really?

 

That's a good Iook.

 

-Hi. Did you just take my picture?
-Maybe.

 

Did you just run out of gas?

 

Maybe.

 

That sucks.
That happened to me Iast week.

 

When you were driving
out of your way...

 

...to drop off a homeless guy who wore out
your battery so you couldn't call AAA?

 

No. I take it
that's what happened to you.

 

No. Why would you assume that?

 

He used up your phone?

 

Yeah. Apparently he was the most popular
homeless man on the planet.

 

He was staying connected.
It was good to see.

 

I'm just glad that I could
be a part of it, really.

 

-That must feel good.
-Oh, truly, truly.

 

Yeah. And I'm getting some exercise,
which is cool.

 

Well, do you need a ride?

 

On that thing?

 

Am I going too fast for you?

 

No. In fact, I think you should go faster.

 

That way if we crash, at Ieast I'II die.

 

I just don't wanna
be kept alive artificially.

 

-What are you doing?
-I'm taking a picture. Smile.

 

-I can't see. I'm blind.
-Me too. Isn't it great? Whoo!

 

[CARL SCREAMING]

 

[TIRES SCREECHING & HORN HONKING]

 

[ALLISON LAUGHING]

 

CARL:
Yeah, that's getting it good. Yep.

 

-Well, thanks again for the ride.
-No problem.

 

Hopefully the color will return
to your face sometime soon.

 

-I'm more of a four-wheel kind of guy.
-Really?

 

I never would've guessed that.
You seemed so at ease on two.

 

-Can I have my helmet back now?
-I'm still wearing it, aren't I?

 

Yeah.

 

Thanks.

 

ALLISON:
So you okay?

 

Yeah, I'm good, unless you wanna
stick around and make out.

 

-What?
-What did you say?

 

Hey, I--

 

Have a good night.

 

Yes.

 

[OWL HOOTING]

 

CARL:
"Yes always Ieads to something good.

 

Never avoid opportunities.

 

They may come in any form."

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

-Hello?
-Carl, it's your buddy Norman.

 

Well, and your boss, but more your buddy
than your boss, right?

 

I guess.

 

So Iook, we're kind of short
on Saturday staff.

 

Is there any way you could come in?

 

Sure.

 

Nothing I Iike better than the inside
of a bank on a beautiful Saturday.

 

Yeah. Yeah, there really is something
magical about this place.

 

Would I Iike to increase the size
of my penis?

 

Right.

 

Like I need that.

 

-Persian wifefinder.
FARANOUSH: Hi there, I am Faranoush,

 

Would you be the man for me?

 

I guess so.

 

Excuse me. I'd Iike to apply
for a small-business Ioan.

 

And what's your business?

 

I bake cakes in the shape
of different celebrities' faces.

 

-Oh, wow, Mickey Rourke.
-No. It's Bono.

 

Oh. Yeah, right.

 

Let's hope it doesn't taste
Iike Mickey Rourke.

 

So, what do you think?

 

I think yes.

 

NORMAN:
Inta-maresting.

 

Cakes, huh?

 

Yeah. I just kind of went with my gut
on it, Norm.

 

-You called me Norm.
-Yeah.

 

-Could that, Iike, be my nickname?
-Yeah. I guess.

 

Oh, nice. I Iike your style.
Car. That could be yours.

 

Yeah. Carl's pretty short already, but--

 

But it's the kind of dazzle
we need around here.

 

-Yeah.
-And you know what I did?

 

What?

 

That Demko thing really chapped my ass.
I marched upstairs and I told the big guns:

 

"Carl gets promoted in Iieu of Demko,
or along with Demko...

 

...whichever, or I walk."

 

Really? What did they say?

 

Well, they were quite attracted to the me
walking option, you know, for a moment.

 

-But then I threw that off the table.
-Good move.

 

And they said if you started to show
some initiative, I could promote you.

 

And?

 

-Well, you're doing it.
-Yeah?

 

-Yeah, the whole cake thing.
-Yeah.

 

-You're making up nicknames.
-Okay.

 

Know what?
I called Demko this morning...

 

...to ask if he could work,
and know what he said?

 

-No.
-How did you know that?

 

He's not here.

 

-Yeah, but you are, Car.
-Yeah.

 

And that's why I'm gonna
give the job to you.

 

Norm, that's amazing.
Oh, my God. Thank you.

 

Nice Iittle raise in it for you too.
Bump up your salary to 65.

 

-Thousand?
-Of course, thousand.

 

Come on, Iet's step this thing
up a notch, Broseph.

 

See what I did there?

 

I joined "bro" with "Joseph." Broseph.
Pretty cool, huh?

 

Very cool, Norm.

 

I have been such a dick and a douche.

 

More of a douche
than a dick, probably...

 

...but I'm sorry. I should have been there.
I mean, really.

 

-You're preaching to the choir, Carl.
-I'm telling you, man, things are different.

 

Okay. Wait, so wait.
You have to say yes to everything?

 

Yeah, exactly. It's Iike you said:
I wasn't open to stuff, and now I am...

 

...and things are changing for me.
It's Iike the era of yes has begun.

 

AII right. Look, gets you out of the house,
I'm all for it.

 

Excuse me.
Could we get another round of drinks?

 

And actually, we're gonna start a tab...

 

...and our good friend here, Carl,
will be taking care of it.

 

-Well, you're okay with that, right, buddy?
-Yes. Yes, I am.

 

Okay.

 

I should be prepping my case for Monday,
but I cannot miss this.

 

Hey, you, another bump of hot sauce.

 

[SLURRING WORDS]
Boy, you guys are really into this yes thing.

 

[INHALES]

 

Argh!

 

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC BLARING]

 

ROONEY:
Okay, okay.

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

He did it.

 

Drinks on me.

 

MAN 1 :
Crazy, man.

 

[CARL LAUGHING]

 

Carl, that was so awesome.

 

-Okay.
-Excuse me. Could I--

 

Absolutely.

 

I don't think that's what she was
asking for, but all right.

 

Was I chewing gum before?

 

Hey. What do you
think you're doing, asshole?

 

Easy, easy.
It was a Iittle misunderstanding, okay?

 

I'm just saying yes to Iife, homes.
You gotta say yes to Iife.

 

I made a sacred "conevant."

 

That sounded naughty.

 

-I think you and I need to step outside.
-No. God, no.

 

Okay, it's okay. I got this. I got this.

 

Okay. But if I win...

 

...I get to take that pretty girl of yours
to a ball...

 

...because she deserves that.

 

Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball.

 

That is so nice.

 

[CROWD GASPING]

 

MAN 1 :
Oh, shit.

 

AII right. He punched me
right in the face, man.

 

-Don't worry. I got your back.
-You don't have anybody's.

 

I'm sorry, man. It's all our fault.

 

-I haven't fighted in a fight since grade 7.
-I know.

 

Hey. Are we gonna fight or what?

 

Yeah, we're gonna fight.
We're gonna fight, all right. Okay?

 

You want some, huh, more?

 

Because I am open for business, okay?
Oh, where'd I go?

 

Oh, where'd I go?

 

Yeah, how do you fight
what you can't see?

 

Did you see The Legend of Billy Jack?

 

Because I'm gonna take this foot...

 

...and I'm gonna whop you
on that side of your face...

 

...and there's not a goddamn thing
you can do about it.

 

[WHISPERING] Just don't
break my teeth off on the curb, okay?

 

But Iet's really sell this.
Give them a show.

 

What?

 

[IN NORMAL VOICE] First, we have
to establish the ground rules.

 

And the ground rules are
there are no ground rules.

 

[CROWD GASPING]

 

Idiot. I'm the wrong guy.

 

Well, maybe you need to start
being the right guy.

 

That's why you got punched out...

 

...because you got the wrong attitude
right out of the gate.

 

I'm over here, dickhole.

 

Oh, my God. That's so funny.

 

You're a complete--

 

You all right?

 

CARL: I almost blocked it.
Didn't get there in time.

 

Okay, we're done.
We've been drinking.

 

-He's really been drinking.
CARL: Seriously, man.

 

I'm glad we had this experience.

 

-I think we both grew from it. Call me.
-You asshole.

 

CARL: We really did.
-Yeah. We did, bud.

 

She's never gonna go to a ball.

 

No. No, she's not.

 

[GROANING]

 

[CHUCKLES]

 

-Okay. Tillie, there you are.
-Hi, Carl.

 

What can I do for you?

 

Well, I was wondering if you could help me
put up some shelves.

 

Oh, really?

 

Okay. That should just about do it.

 

-I'II see you Iater, Tillie.
-That was wonderful, Carl.

 

Oh, not so fast.

 

What are you doing?

 

-Oh, darn, I forgot to go to the bank.
-Oh, that's okay.

 

I'm getting so forgetful.

 

-It happens with age.
-Don't worry about it.

 

I am gonna have to repay you somehow.

 

Oh, just doing a favor for a neighbor
is good enough for me.

 

You are so handsome.

 

How come I never see you
with a girl over there?

 

Well, I'm just-- I'm not in a serious thing,
but I am dating.

 

-Would you Iike a release?
-I'm sorry?

 

You know, a sexual release?

 

Uh....

 

-What do I do here?
-Oh, you don't have to do anything, Carl.

 

You just Iay back
and I will take care of everything.

 

I don't know what to say here.
I'm stumped. I'm baffled.

 

I don't know if I'm gonna be able
to say yes to this one, Till.

 

-Oh, come on.
-But thanks for the offer and the image.

 

And I've got this thing I gotta do,
so I'II be seeing you.

 

In my nightmares.

 

Oh, come on, give me a break.

 

Terrence said this would happen if I said no.
That's ridiculous.

 

Get out of there.
If I wanna say no, I'II say no!

 

[DOG GROWLING]

 

[BARKING]

 

Nice dog.

 

[BARKING]

 

Just relax. I'II handle this.

 

Oh, God!

 

Oh, God! Oh, no. Oh, my....

 

Wow.

 

That-- Oh....

 

That is a....

 

How are you doing that? Ay!

 

[CARL GROANING]

 

"Costume party. Come as your favorite
Harry Potter character."

 

You got it, Norm.

 

[INSTANT MESSENGER CHIMES]

 

Hi.

 

Really? I've always wanted
to try it. Yeah.

 

So I can expect delivery anytime
between 8 a.m. and 5:30?

 

[DOORBELL RINGS]

 

Hello. Wondering if you had a moment...

 

-...to discuss the Church of Jesus Christ.
-Yeah, come on in.

 

-Buttercup Girls.
-Buttercup Girls.

 

[DOORBELL RINGS]

 

Yeah. AII right.

 

Hey. It's really working. Ah!

 

It's beautiful, man. It's beautiful.

 

I do wanna take guitar Iessons.
I do wanna Iearn how to fly.

 

Yes, I would Iike to Iearn Korean.

 

[SINGING]
I would understand

 

AII right, now I got it.

 

Whoa.

 

[LAUGHING]

 

[CLASS RECITING KOREAN]

 

[ALL SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

[SPEAKS KOREAN]

 

What did he call me?

 

[CARL LAUGHING]

 

CARL:
Homeless.

 

CARL:
Come and get it.

 

There you are. You want some?

 

HOBO:
He never Iistens.

 

[BOTH LAUGHING]

 

Yeah.

 

I wanna start an
organic-fertilizer distribution business.

 

Next.

 

-Wanna see a-- Oh, sorry.
-You know what? I'd Iove to.

 

Way to stick in there.

 

BARTENDER:
There you go.

 

Hey. I came.

 

Great.

 

Yeah.

 

Rolling Rock, please.

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

PERFORMER 1 : From the dawn of time--
PERFORMER 2: In the netherworld.

 

PERFORMER 1 :
There was a band.

 

Oh, yes, there was.

 

And we were that band.

 

Yes, we were.

 

And that band made rock 'n' roll.

 

Oh, yes, they did.

 

PERFORMER 1 : And that band ate arame
and other sea vegetables.

 

PERFORMER 2:
Yeah.

 

PERFORMER 1 :
And that band was rad.

 

Hello, Jake, Penelope,
Rodrigo, Phillip, Zachary.

 

-We are Munchausen by Proxy.
-You're kidding me.

 

[SINGING] I should have been the one
To break up with you

 

You said, "Who are you?"

 

Who are you?

 

I wanna snap your neck and spit on you
You said, "Who are you?"

 

Who are you?

 

If I got a call that said you were dead
You said, "Who are you?"

 

Who are you?

 

I'd shrug my shoulders, and I'd say whatevs
You said, "Who are you? "

 

Who are you?

 

Hey, did you ever meet my friend Ian?
He' s a computer hacker.

 

He helped me erase your MySpace page.

 

And your band's MySpace page.
And your Facebook page.

 

Happy networking, asshole.

 

[PLAYING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"]

 

[SINGING] Don't call me past 1 1 p.m.
It won't happen again

 

Happened once, it happened twice

 

It happened three times,
Maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe

 

Maybe it happened six times
But it won 't happen a seventh time

 

No, no, no, no

 

I'm not your late night booty call

 

Whore no more

 

Don 't call me past 1 1 p.m.
It won 't happen again

 

You can call me at 1 0,.59

 

But don 't call me at 1 1
'Cause that's my rule now

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

Can I get a water?

 

Hey. Out-of-gas make-out guy.

 

Did we make out? Oh, right, we did.
Now I remember.

 

-What are you doing here?
-I know. Is this crazy or what?

 

-It's so crazy.
-Yeah.

 

-Are you stalking me?
-No. I would never do that.

 

By the way, your new Iiving-room
furniture Iooks great from the yard.

 

[LAUGHS]

 

-Hey, great gig or whatever, you know.
-Thanks.

 

Yeah. Strong Iyrics.
You just make that stuff up?

 

-It comes from personal experience.
-Cool.

 

You want a drink?

 

Oh, I can't. I have to wake up early.

 

-So I have to go, but....
-Oh, really?

 

But you can walk me to my scooter.

 

ALLISON:
I teach a jogging photo group...

 

...for people who want to both exercise
and practice photography.

 

CARL: Oh, yeah,
that's getting very popular now.

 

ALLISON: It's in Griffith Park
and we do a Ioop. It's about five miles.

 

It's at 6 a.m.

 

CARL: Wow. I haven't been up at 6 a.m.
in, Iike, never.

 

-That's early.
-Yeah, but it makes for amazing pictures.

 

CARL:
Okay, so you're in a band...

 

...you do the jogging photography,
what else?

 

ALLISON:
Whatever I want.

 

I volunteer at a shelter. I paint a Iittle bit.

 

CARL: Yeah, that's cool.
I've done some charity work.

 

And some nude modeling, FYI.

 

Good to know, if, you know,
if I ever need to....

 

[ALLISON LAUGHS]

 

So anyway, my answer is yes.
I'd be happy to go out with you.

 

I didn't ask you out.

 

Could have fooled me
with that modeling comment.

 

You said that.

 

Well, whoever said it,
it made me very uncomfortable.

 

Hey, why don't you
come to my class tomorrow?

 

Why don't you stop smothering me?
Seriously. It's way too much too soon.

 

Yeah, I'd Iove to.

 

Okay. I'II see you tomorrow....

 

-Carl.
-AIIison.

 

[PHONE RINGS]

 

Yeah, Rooney?

 

ROONEY:
Yo, Carl, hitting the clubs.

 

Got a case of Red Bull.
Gonna pull an all-nighter. You down?

 

Yeah.

 

Okay, guys, everybody ready?
Cameras Ioaded?

 

-AIIison?
ALLISON: Yeah?

 

Do we need to use a flash?

 

Not when the sun's up, Reggie.

 

[TECHNO MUSIC BLARING FROM STEREO]

 

Beautiful night, guys.
You take it to the Iimit, and I respect that.

 

Hit me on the cell this week.
Let's do it again.

 

Carl, if somebody asked me to
describe tonight, I would just go, "Ow!"

 

Back at you, Roon. Lee, I hardly know you,
but I feel comfortable.

 

Look how close I'm getting.
Hey, AIIison, it's me, Carl. I'm here.

 

AIIison, I'm here.

 

AIIison.

 

Hey. Who were those guys?

 

That's Rooney and my friend Lee.
He's a nurse. I was making fun of him.

 

We hit a couple raves Iast night.
It was totally off the hook.

 

-You seem a Iittle hyper.
-Had a couple Red Bulls.

 

Ever had Red Bull? I never had Red Bull.
Had Red Bull Iast night. I Iike Red Bull.

 

I got a new necklace. GIows in the dark.

 

Can't really see it right now,
unless you do this.

 

That's really something. Doesn't Red Bull
make you crash pretty hard?

 

No, no, no. No, no. I don't think so. No.

 

No. Hey, after we jog,
we should get a Red Bull.

 

You and I could get a Red Bull.
We could share.

 

-Okay, that'd be fu--
-Red Bull.

 

-That sounds--
-Red Bull.

 

-I think I'd--
-Red Bull.

 

-I'd really--
-Red Bull.

 

Red Bull.

 

Okay. A Iot of energy. I Iike it.
Everybody, this is Carl.

 

-Carl, this is everybody.
-Hey, everybody.

 

Come on. Let's get into shipshape.

 

WOMAN:
Oh, it's a good one.

 

CARL:
Hold that.

 

[CAMERA CLICKS]

 

Got it.

 

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

 

Hey, Carl, you okay?

 

[GROANING]

 

Hold it right there.

 

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

 

That's good.

 

I can't put my finger on you.
You're kind of unpredictable.

 

Kind of mysterious.

 

You know, Iisten.

 

I Iike to keep it fresh. I Iike to Iive it up.
I Iike to mix it up.

 

If that doesn't jive with you,
we should end this.

 

I Iove that.

 

I don't know how people go through Iife
with the same boring routine.

 

-Just shoot me.
-I know. Right in the face.

 

Seriously, I dated this guy and I was
astounded at how content he was...

 

...just Iiving his Iife
in this closed-off Iittle box.

 

I know. It's so frustrating. I just
wanna grab these people and shake them.

 

Say, "Wake up, you. You're missing out
on a Iittle thing called Iife."

 

-That's so true.
-Yeah.

 

So, what happened
to closed-off-Iittle-box boy?

 

It just didn't work out. It's a Iong story.

 

Yeah? Same story
you were singing about Iast night?

 

Might be.

 

CIosed-off-Iittle-box boy, tender topic.
Probe no further.

 

Okay, if you must know,
we Iived together.

 

I thought he was it, the one,
or whatever.

 

And then surprise, he ended it,
out of nowhere for no reason.

 

Gone, never saw him again.

 

Wow. That's rough. I'm sorry.

 

Next time you should warn me
about the Iength of the story, though.

 

Kind of dragged on.

 

-I'II work on that.
-Yeah, just trim the fat.

 

Ooh! Jeez. That was very healthy.

 

[ALLISON LAUGHING]

 

[BOTH SIGH]

 

She's spontaneous. She's ballsy.

 

She has no clue what she's doing
and she doesn't care.

 

She's the complete opposite of me.

 

FARANOUSH:
Carl, could you please pass the Cholula?

 

Sure, Faranoush.

 

How did you two meet again?

 

Persianwifefinder.com. It's pretty cool.
You should check it out.

 

-I'm engaged.
-Oh, yeah.

 

[WHISPERING] Should you talk about AIIison
in front of Faranoush?

 

It's okay, man. We just met.
She knows it's not exclusive.

 

-Besides, she's totally not my type.
-I can hear you.

 

Sorry, Faranoush.

 

Anyway, I never would've met AIIison
if I hadn't said yes to the homeless guy.

 

You wouldn't be on a date
with a strange woman.

 

-No offense, Faranoush.
-None taken.

 

I didn't realize
I was dealing with a no man.

 

No, I think it's great.
Throw this away for me, will you?

 

-Hey, honey.
LUCY: Hey.

 

-Lucy. Faranoush, Lucy. Lucy, Faranoush.
-Hello.

 

So my friends are being really Iame...

 

...and nobody's offered
to throw me a bridal shower.

 

Hey, I have an idea.

 

Carl, would you Iike to throw Lucy
a bridal shower?

 

Yeah. Sure.

 

Why not? That'd be great.
Yeah, I'd Iove that.

 

-Problem solved.
-Yeah.

 

-Really?
-Yeah.

 

Well, thanks, Carl.

 

Thanks, that's really sweet.

 

CARL: That's great.
-That is sweet, Carl.

 

Thanks, Faranoush.

 

Oh, I forgot, I gotta pick up costumes
for me and AIIison.

 

Costumes for what?

 

Expelliarmus! Just kidding.

 

That's okay. I blocked it
and deflected it back.

 

Oh. Kaching!
Wow. Cool costume, my man.

 

The only one they had Ieft
was for toddlers.

 

This is AIIison
and her wand made from a sequoia.

 

-Hi.
-You must be Norman.

 

Yes, nice to meet you.
Thanks for coming. Come in.

 

Yeah, we've got, well, drinks,
you know...

 

...chips, dips...

 

...and good people, just Iike you two.

 

-Thanks.
-Pace yourselves.

 

It's gonna be a crazy night.

 

-Get in there, play the zone.
-Come on.

 

-Good dip, huh, H.P.?.
CARL: Mm.

 

Got tons of it at Costco. You see, I've got
an exclusive membership card.

 

And with that card, I get access
to the whole place.

 

I can buy Iarge quantities of anything
at discount prices.

 

Can't anyone get one of those cards?

 

No, don't think so.
But I can talk to someone, if you'd Iike.

 

-Yeah, put in a good word for us.
-That would be great.

 

Feels strange to be going home,
doesn 't it?

 

" I'm not going home, not really."

 

HERMIONE [ON TV] :
Oh, bye.

 

NORMAN: AIrighty, gang.
Who wants to watch Chamber of Secrets?

 

[APPLAUSE]

 

-Well, thanks for coming, guys.
-So nice to meet you.

 

Good to meet you, too. Thank you.
And hey.

 

That's right. Come in. I'II go in.

 

Keep your hand there Iike in a shake.
The other hand goes around for a hug.

 

-Yeah. Tap it.
-Thanks for walking me through that.

 

NORMAN: That's all right.
-Bye.

 

Okay, guys,
all aboard the Hogwarts Express.

 

Next stop, Azkaban.

 

Hey.

 

Do you wanna drive?

 

-Hey, you're getting better.
-Yeah, not bad, huh?

 

[HORN HONKING]

 

Whoa. Yep, I got it.

 

I got an idea.

 

-We can't do this.
-Why? You scared?

 

Hurry. Somebody's coming.
And I think I see something. Hurry.

 

ALLISON: This is crazy.
-I know, but it's great.

 

This is unreal.

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

[SINGING "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"]

 

ALLISON:
Ooh

 

[SINGING "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"]

 

ALLISON:
Ooh

 

[SINGING "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"]

 

ALLISON:
Ooh

 

[SINGING "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"]

 

[CARL SINGING "CAN'T BUY ME LOVE"]

 

[COYOTE HOWLING]

 

You know, I've never Iet anyone
drive my scooter before.

 

I've never Iet anyone kiss me
on the stage of the Hollywood Bowl before.

 

Good evening, Los Angeles.

 

PIease welcome to the Hollywood Bowl
Munchausen by Proxy.

 

[MAKES CHEERING SOUND]

 

I'm your biggest fan. Bang!

 

I killed her.

 

[LAUGHING]

 

I'm a somebody.

 

I don't know about that.

 

-Come on, you gotta have creepy fans.
-I don't think so.

 

-We don't have that much of a following.
-What are you talking about?

 

Rodrigo and the guys at the bar.
They can't be trusted.

 

There's me and my friends. That makes
eight or nine very unstable people.

 

-How many people can this place even hold?
-Like 1 7,000.

 

So each one of us invites 1 800
of our closest friends.

 

No need.
I know our music isn't that mainstream.

 

-What?
-I Iove doing it.

 

It's Iike my photography.

 

I know there isn't that much demand
for photographs...

 

...taken while running, but....

 

I wasn't gonna say anything.

 

You know, who cares?
The world's a playground.

 

You know that when you're a kid...

 

...but somewhere along the way,
everyone forgets it.

 

I Iove your music.

 

Anybody can take a photo standing still.

 

MAN: Hey. What are you doing?
-Oh, shit.

 

-Stop.
-Stopping.

 

-Come on, Carl, run.
-Thanks.

 

-Wait right there.
-You got it.

 

MAN: Down on the ground.
-Whatever you say.

 

-Carl, what are you doing? Let's go.
-AII right. I can't please everyone.

 

[CARL & ALLISON LAUGHING]

 

ALLISON:
Run!

 

Hello, everybody.

 

A Iittle vitamin C. Keep your strength up.
I will be right with you.

 

-Pass those out, will you?
-Sure.

 

[CARL SPEAKING FRENCH]

 

-Lee?
-Hey.

 

What up, my brizzo?

 

-That's not right, is it?
-Carl, I need you for a second.

 

Can you hang on a minute, Lee?

 

What's going on, Norm?

 

Something's going down on a big scale.

 

Guy from Corporate's here. Don't Iook.
He wants to talk to you.

 

I think it's about all those Ioans
you've been approving.

 

Well, we had a nice run.

 

I might get shit-canned, Norm.

 

Anyway, don't worry about it.
It'II Iead to something good.

 

-Hey, I'm part of this too.
-No.

 

-Yeah. I stood by and Iet it happen.
-Norm.

 

You were feeling it.
You were in the Ioan zone, remember?

 

-I was.
-I was watching you.

 

Yeah, you were.

 

But I'm afraid it's caught up with us.
Now you and I have to face the music.

 

-Come on.
-Hey. Can I have one minute?

 

-Okay.
-Lee? What do you need?

 

You may be my Iast Ioan.

 

It's a Ducati.

 

I'm thinking it'II get people off my back
about the male nurse thing.

 

-See what I mean?
-Yeah. Nice ride.

 

See you on the other side, Lee.

 

WES:
Carl.

 

Wesley T. Parker.
Vice President, Brea Federal Savings.

 

PIeasure to meet you.

 

Every two months, the typical Ioan officer
approves 35 to 40 Ioans.

 

You have given out...

 

...561.

 

A Iittle more than average, then.

 

What's even more unusual
are the amounts.

 

A $250 Ioan for a mountain bike,
$600 for windsurfing Iessons.

 

Have you ever tried that? It's fun.

 

Carl, this bank traditionally has never
given out small Ioans.

 

-If I can explain-- Yeah, certainly.
WES: Sit down.

 

At first I thought
you might be raiding our coffers.

 

-I would never do that.
-I would if I could, so why wouldn't you?

 

[ALL LAUGHING]

 

But--

 

But then I Iooked closer.

 

These people are so grateful
to have their needs met...

 

...more than 98 percent of them
are following through with payments.

 

And because you've given out
so many of them...

 

...we're actually making a Iot of money.
Carl, these micro-Ioans, not bad.

 

See, Car, you worrywart.

 

Carl, what would you say if I asked you
to work upstairs with the big boys?

 

-Corporate?
-Wow.

 

That's great. I would have to say--

 

No, wait. Before we give our answer...

 

...Iet's talk money.
Dollars and cents, Wes.

 

I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you,
since we're only taking Carl.

 

Got it. Yep.

 

We'II have the employment contract to you
by the end of the day.

 

Nice work, Carl. Bump my fist.

 

-Missed it. I was gonna fist you.
-Here's some fist.

 

This one is nice.

 

I especially Iove it in cream.
What do you think?

 

-I Iove it.
-Yeah?

 

Yeah.

 

Bridal bingo?
How do you play bridal bingo?

 

It's the same as regular bingo...

 

...but you just yell embarrassing facts
about the bride, okay?

 

Yeah.

 

-No, I'm not doing bridal bingo.
-Come on.

 

I don't want anything complicated.

 

You gotta squeeze every drop of juice
out of this experience.

 

It doesn't sound complicated.
Is it complicated?

 

Are you going to be asking a Iot
more question? I don't got all day.

 

[SOO-MI SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

-Maybe we should just go somewhere else.
-It's okay. I'II talk to her.

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

[LAUGHS]

 

Okay.

 

Okay, bridal bingo very simple, okay?

 

I can explain to you in more detail
if you want.

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

What's going on?

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

I mean, someone's trying to kill himself.

 

Jump.

 

What the hell are you Iooking at?

 

MAN 1 : Don't do it.
JUMPER: Don't point at me, buddy.

 

Hey, Iady, move that dog.

 

Buddy, can you move over a Iittle bit,
Iike two feet?

 

Has somebody called the police?

 

Yeah. He'II be dead before they get here.
Somebody needs to talk him down.

 

JUMPER: Move out the way.
WOMAN 1 : Somebody help him!

 

WOMAN 2:
Don't do it.

 

WOMAN 3:
It can't be that bad.

 

Hey, buddy.

 

Who are you, man?

 

Don't try anything. I'm gonna kill myself,
so don't try to stop me.

 

-Okay.
-What do mean, "Okay"?

 

No, I don't mean okay.
Just give me a second.

 

I should say something to you here.

 

I don't really know what it is.

 

Man, you terrible at this.
Are you even a cop?

 

Hold on a second, I'm thinking.

 

Wait. I've got it.

 

Where you going, man?

 

WOMAN 4: I know it's not what I think it is.
MAN 2: Just stop.

 

Oh, man.

 

[TUNING GUITAR]

 

-My man. Hello?
-Don't do it. I'm coming.

 

Patience is a virtue.

 

[HUMMING]

 

What the hell you doing in there?

 

[SINGING] I wish you would step back
From that ledge, my friend

 

You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in

 

And if you never want to see me again

 

I would understand

 

I would understand

 

Um-- Oh--

 

CARL:
What is it?

 

[SINGING]
The angry boy a bit too insane

 

Icing over a secret pain

 

You know you don 't belong

 

Everyone I know has got a reason

 

To say

 

ALL [SINGING] :
You can put the past away

 

I wish you would step back
From that ledge, my friend

 

You could cut ties with all the lies
You've been living in

 

And if you never want to see me again

 

I would understand

 

I would understand

 

[SIRENS WAILING]

 

I would understand

 

I would understand

 

I would understand

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

I got blisters on my fingers.

 

STEPHANIE:
Carl.

 

Stephanie, Ted, hey.

 

How's it going?
What are you guys doing here?

 

We're doing a week in Tahiti. Ted's father
owns a Iittle piece of property there.

 

A hundred acres isn't so Iittle, hon.
Not in Tahiti, anyway.

 

Hey, I saw you on TV.
That was amazing, Carl.

 

It's just a Iittle Iife that needed saving.
No big deal.

 

-So where you headed?
-I'm meeting my girlfriend here.

 

-We don't know where we're going.
-Really?

 

Yeah, we're just gonna pick a place.
Kind of an eenie, meenie, minie thing.

 

Keeps it fresh. I'II see you guys.

 

-That sounds Iike a Iot of fun.
-Can you imagine?

 

TED:
No.

 

[ALLISON LAUGHING]

 

So I have some carry-on here.

 

I'd Iike two tickets on the first plane
out of here, please.

 

We've never done this before.

 

The next flight available for boarding...

 

...is to Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

Okay.

 

-Okay.
-Okay.

 

-Yeah?
-Lincoln.

 

Here we come.

 

ALLISON: Where does someone go
in Lincoln, Nebraska?

 

Well, clearly we should go there.

 

ALLISON: "The earliest switchboard
operators' headsets...

 

...weighed over 1 0 and a half pounds."

 

-Interesting.
CARL: Look at this.

 

-Very first phone call ever.
-Pretty cool.

 

Check out the phone.

 

Smaller than I thought they would be.
Hold on, I'm vibrating.

 

Hello?

 

MAN:
Nice shot.

 

-What do you know about that?
-Pretty sexy.

 

So, what do I do? I just--

 

[PEOPLE GASPING]

 

MAN 1 : Take it easy.
MAN 2: Here you go.

 

-Okay.
-You got it.

 

Pull?

 

MAN 1 : Good one.
-I got it. I got it.

 

Can I do it again? Can I do it again?
What's wrong?

 

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

 

ANNOUNCER [ON PA] :
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it...

 

...for your University
of Nebraska Cornhuskers.

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

PETE:
Twenty bucks says Oklahoma kills them.

 

Hey, Pete, you mind putting that
on a coaster?

 

What, do you Iive here now?

 

Yeah. I asked Carl and he had to say yes.

 

LUCY:
Hey. Is that Carl?

 

-Wait a second.
-Wait a second, wait a second.

 

ANNOUNCER: The energy is palpable here,
Chris. I can 't even hear myself think.

 

-I guess they're in Nebraska.
-Wow.

 

Now, this is the really interesting part.
If you don't take the heads off properly...

 

...then everything gets mixed
into the batch.

 

Someone gets a beak in their bucket
or a mouthful of tendons...

 

...and you got a Iawsuit on your hands.

 

We got a fainter down in Head Removal.

 

CARL:
I can't believe I tripped Iike that.

 

ALLISON: It seemed Iike you fainted.
-No, I told you my foot caught a nail.

 

ALLISON: Okay. Because I thought it was
all the chicken beaks in the bucket.

 

CARL:
Don't, please.

 

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

 

Oh, God. It's starting to rain.

 

Here. I have to protect you.

 

Come on.

 

Hurry, there's no time to Iose.
We have to find shelter.

 

Come on.

 

Get in here. It's okay. I got you.

 

AIIison, are you okay?

 

Are you hurt? Are you hurt? You're okay?

 

[ALLISON LAUGHING]

 

What?

 

I don't know. I think I Iove you.

 

Really?

 

I've known that I Iike you for a while,
but just now I decided that I Iove you.

 

-Do you Iove me?
-Definitely.

 

I Iove you Iike...

 

...I can't believe it.
It's kind of ridiculous.

 

I've been thinking...

 

...and I know it's crazy,
especially for me...

 

...but maybe when we get back
we should move in together.

 

Wow. Really? You've been thinking that?

 

What do you think?

 

-What do I think? Uh-- Yeah.
-Oh, God. You paused.

 

-No, I didn't pause.
-You paused.

 

No, I didn't pause.
It was just a big step.

 

It was a stupid idea.
I shouldn't have said anything.

 

Come on, what are you talking about?
Here, ask me again.

 

-Do you wanna move--
-Yes.

 

Did I pause there? I could probably knock
a couple milliseconds off that if you....

 

WOMAN: Where are you traveling today?
-Los Angeles.

 

I'II just be one minute.

 

We should do this every weekend.
We could see the whole world.

 

I'm in.

 

-You okay?
-Yeah, I'm good.

 

AGENT 1 :
Sir?

 

-You mind coming with us, please?
-I'm sorry?

 

We just wanna ask you a few questions.

 

You're hilarious. Oh, that's great.

 

Oh, beautiful. Are you in on this too?

 

Oh, my God, you guys really
had me going there.

 

There's a crazy man in the terminal.
Red alert.

 

-Oh, good job.
AGENT 1 : Let's go, funny guy.

 

Come on, Iady.

 

-Do you hate your country, Mr. AIIen?
CARL: What?

 

-Do you hate America?
-No. Of course not.

 

Then why are you plotting to attack it?

 

-What?
-I think you have the wrong guy.

 

I'm sorry. Was I speaking to you?

 

AGENT 2: We've been tracking you.
We know who you are.

 

-We know what you're planning.
-This is insane. Do you think I'm a terrorist?

 

Why did you purchase these plane tickets
at the Iast minute?

 

It was a spontaneous vacation.

 

Right. I was just saying
to Agent Tweed...

 

...how I wanted to take a fun-filled
vacation to Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

Are you currently a member
of Persianwifefinder.com?

 

-Yes, but you don't understand.
-Yes? Who is that?

 

Faranoush. It was nothing. I can explain.
I can explain.

 

Explain this, jackhole. As Chief Loan Officer
at Brea Federal Savings and Loan...

 

...you gave a man money
to start a fertilizer business.

 

-For what, bombs?
-No.

 

Have you recently
started taking flying Iessons?

 

-Yes. Oh, come on.
-Why did you Iearn Korean?

 

-Are you aligned with the North Koreans?
-No. What?

 

You were married for six months.
Some immigration thing?

 

-You were married?
CARL: Yes.

 

That was a Iong time ago.
I was gonna tell you.

 

I was gonna tell her. I just never--

 

Start talking, Carl,
if that is your real name.

 

We knew another Karl we weren't
too crazy about, didn't we, Tweed?

 

His name was Marx.

 

I need to speak to my attorney.

 

Several months ago, my client
attended a self-empowerment seminar...

 

...that requires him to say yes
to any request that's presented.

 

AII of the activity
that appears suspicious...

 

...the flying Iessons,
the spontaneous trip-taking...

 

...it's all because he must say yes
to any opportunity.

 

-He's really into it.
-You say yes to everything?

 

-Are you kidding?
-It's not how it sounds.

 

How does it?
I'd Iove to hear this.

 

I'm wondering if there's a better setting
for this back and forth.

 

Maybe we should speak privately.
Come on outside.

 

-Whew. That was close.
-What the hell, Carl?

 

Are you serious?
You say yes to everything?

 

-Even if you don't Iike it?
-No, of course not.

 

-Sometimes.
-Oh, good. What a relief.

 

I thought you Iied all the time, but it's
just sometimes. That's excellent.

 

So you didn't wanna
come to my show...

 

...you didn't wanna go jogging with me,
you didn't wanna travel with me?

 

Yes, I did. That was my idea.

 

When I asked you
if you wanted to move in...

 

...that took a Iot for me to do that,
and I meant it.

 

I didn't know what to expect,
but I guess I figured...

 

...Iike an adult, you were gonna
weigh the options.

 

You paused.

 

You wanted to say no but you couldn't.
You had to say yes.

 

-That's not entirely true.
-How do I know if anything you did...

 

...was because you wanted to or because
you were following some damn program?

 

AIIison.

 

Bye, Carl.

 

I can't believe I didn't tell her
I was married. I'm such an idiot.

 

-You know what I did?
-What's that?

 

She asked me to move in with her
and I hesitated. That was Iike a no.

 

I should have said yes right away,
you know?

 

That's how the whole thing got
screwed up. I broke the covenant.

 

Ever think things got screwed up...

 

...because you said yes without thinking,
not because of a covenant you made?

 

CARL: It's with the universe.
It's a big deal.

 

There is a middle ground here.
You can process things.

 

You can weigh them individually and
make decisions on a case-by-case basis...

 

...a.k.a. what normal people do.

 

Yeah, that's a good point.
Hold that thought. AIIison!

 

Or not.

 

AIIison, please, can't we talk for a sec?

 

-Get away from me.
-Okay.

 

ALLISON: Farther.
-Yeah.

 

Carl.

 

Bye, Carl.

 

-Oh, I just love good food.
-So do I.

 

-Do you?
-Uh-huh.

 

You know you and I are a lot alike?

 

My mother likes good food.

 

She always used to say,
"I'd rather eat good food...

 

...than bad food any old day
of the week. "

 

Hey.

 

It' s me again.

 

Specifically I'm talking about 1 5
to 20 percent.

 

The way we're gonna do this
is we're gonna go after the....

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

PILOT:
Okay, I'm totally off the controls.

 

You're officially flying by yourself.

 

Cool.

 

There's no greater feeling in the world,
is there?

 

Hello, Jake, Rodrigo,
Penelope, Phillip, Zachary.

 

I'd Iike to thank you all for coming...

 

...for no other reason
than you genuinely wanted to.

 

In an unrelated note,
everyone else can go jump off a bridge.

 

Ah!

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

AIIison?

 

No, it's Wes P., Big C.
Did I catch you at a bad time?

 

-No, no, I'm just hanging here.
-Okay, okay. Just checking in.

 

Seeing how Corporate's treating you.

 

Kicks the crap out of dealing
with those peons, huh?

 

-I never really thought of them as--
-Hang on, hang on, hang on, just a second.

 

Wes? Can you hear me?

 

Go get the ball!

 

So Iisten, I got a job for you.
We're shutting down a bunch of branches...

 

-...and I need you to tell the managers.
-Shutting down branches?

 

Which ones?

 

We are Sparta!

 

[CROWD CHEERING]

 

Hi, Norm.

 

[NORMAN SOBBING]

 

ANSWERING MACHINE:
You have three messages.

 

NORMAN: Hi, Car, this is your
answer phone speaking.

 

No, it's me, Norm, just a reminder
about the party tonight.

 

I'll see you there, buddy. Roger, out.

 

ROONEY: Carl, it's Roons.
Thanks for letting me use your car.

 

You might notice the front bumper missing.
Not to worry.

 

I gave them your insurance.
The whole thing's being handled.

 

And I left a pile of laundry in my room.
Don 't forget, no starch. Love you.

 

PETER: It's Peter. I'm sure you're aware
and completely on top of it...

 

...but just wanted to make sure Lucy's
shower is still on for tomorrow night.

 

Haven 't received confirmation
of any sort from you. A t all.

 

-Shower. Shit.
-It's on.

 

Right? Call me.

 

-Hey, guys.
-Hey.

 

-What' s wrong?
-I just really need to talk to you.

 

What?

 

Come on inside. I'II explain everything.

 

ALL:
Surprise!

 

-Oh, my God.
-Happy shower.

 

How did you pull this off?

 

I just called in a few favors,
kept throwing money at it.

 

PETER:
I Iike it, I Iike it.

 

-Rooney.
ROONEY: Congrats.

 

-That's Bert. He's in fertilizer.
-Hey, B.

 

-And Lee, he's a male nurse.
PETER: I know Lee.

 

Let's get this guy a drink.
He doesn't have Iong to Iive.

 

PETER:
On him, on him.

 

Cake?

 

-Thanks.
-Sure.

 

-Oh, John Goodman.
-No, it's AIec Baldwin.

 

Oh, right. Nailed it.

 

Norm. Hey, thanks for coming, man.

 

-How you holding up?
-I'm okay, Car.

 

You know, taking her day by day.

 

Yeah. Well, I got a friend
I want you to meet.

 

Oh.

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

-Norman, this is Soo-Mi.
-Hi there.

 

-Can I call you Soo?
-Yes.

 

Do you dance?

 

Well, I've won some competitions.
Watch this.

 

-Come on.
-Look out. Oh, hey.

 

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

 

[MOUTHING]

 

[PHONE RINGING]

 

-Oh, that's an interesting one.
-Yep. And it's half-price, so....

 

Oh, jeez.

 

-That's the best wedding shower ever, man.
-Man, you deserve it.

 

-You all right?
-Yeah. Yeah.

 

-Yeah? She's still not calling you back?
-No.

 

-What are you gonna do?
-I don't know.

 

I guess I'II just stick with the program.
Keep saying yes to everything.

 

I know it sounds silly...

 

...but maybe that bad stuff
will Iead to something good.

 

Doesn't sound silly.
Well, maybe a Iittle silly.

 

You wanna get dinner tomorrow night?

 

-Yes. And not because I have to.
-Great.

 

-Well, you do have to.
-Yeah.

 

-But you want to.
-Oh, yeah.

 

-So bad.
-Oh, God, me too.

 

-It's all I can think about.
-Really?

 

Hi there.

 

Hello there.

 

You must be Tillie.

 

-I've certainly heard a Iot about you.
-Isn't that nice?

 

-Would you mind helping me?
-Absolutely, yeah. No problem.

 

Come on, Iet's go.

 

[PHONE RINGS]

 

-Hello?
-Hi, Carl.

 

-Oh, Stephanie. What's wrong?
-Can you come over?

 

We had this big fight and he stormed off.

 

Well, these things have a way
of working themselves out.

 

I don't know.

 

-Not this time. I think it's over.
-Yeah?

 

You know,
but maybe it's supposed to be.

 

I mean, a part of me felt Iike something
wasn't right from the beginning.

 

-Yeah?
-I don't know, Carl. I'm so confused.

 

CARL: Yeah. I'm gonna assume at this point,
it's, well....

 

-Stay with me tonight.
-Oh, Steph....

 

Steph...

 

...I can't.

 

I'm sorry.

 

What are you saying?

 

I'm saying no.

 

[SIGHS]

 

[RUMBLING]

 

Are you serious?

 

[DING]

 

[MEOWING]

 

Oh, Jesus.

 

[ALARM RINGING]

 

Oh, please.

 

I didn't even see the red zone.
I've only been here for 20 minutes.

 

-Sorry, pal. Can't help you.
-Oh, come on. Can't you give me a break?

 

No, man, no, man, no, man.

 

CROWD: No man, no man, no man....
-Not possible!

 

Jackoff.

 

TERRENCE [ON RECORDING] : Chapter 26,
"Words That Rhyme With Yes. "

 

Guess, mess.

 

Tess, that's a name.
Less, a word and a name.

 

-Terrence, don't freak out.
-What the fuck?

 

[TIRES SCREECHING]

 

[HORN HONKING]

 

Jesus, that nurse couldn't be
any more obvious.

 

She was coming in the room. It's Iike,
"Give me some space, woman."

 

Again, I'm pretty sure
she was just here checking on Carl.

 

Peter.

 

A covenant.

 

Hey, buddy, you all right?

 

The covenant, it's coming down
hard on me, man.

 

-He keeps talking this covenant nonsense.
-It's not nonsense.

 

TERRENCE:
It is nonsense.

 

It's him.

 

Oh, thank God. Terrence. You have to
remove the covenant. It's killing me.

 

First of all, what were you doing
in my car?

 

I told you,
I need you to remove the covenant.

 

There is no covenant. There never was.
I was just riffing.

 

-Riffing?
-Well, I had to say something.

 

You were being difficult,
embarrassing me in front of my crowd.

 

-So the whole yes thing is all bullshit?
-No.

 

You just don't know how to use it,
that's all.

 

Yeah, I do. Say yes to everything.
Real tough to grasp.

 

No, that's not the point.

 

Well, maybe at first it is,
but that's just to open you up to it...

 

...to get you started.

 

Then you're saying yes,
not because you have to...

 

...not because a covenant tells you to...

 

...but because you know in your heart
that you want to.

 

Yeah.

 

You're right.

 

-That makes perfect sense.
-I told you. I said that.

 

-You didn't say that.
PETE: I did.

 

-You didn't say it Iike that.
-Not with an accent.

 

Thanks, Terrence. Sorry about the car,
and your head there.

 

-What time is it?
-It's 5:40 in the morning.

 

Perfect.

 

I said that.

 

Whatever.

 

I'm gonna hop in the bed
just in case the nurse comes back.

 

-Sir, you need to get back to your room.
-No, I don't.

 

-Sir, stop right there.
-Eat me.

 

-Lee. What are you doing here?
-I'm a nurse, remember?

 

Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.
Can I borrow your car?

 

No, I don't have my car anymore.
I've got my Ducati, thanks to you.

 

Ducati.

 

[REVVING MOTOR]

 

Have you ever driven one of these before?
They're quite powerful.

 

CARL: Yeah, I ride double all the time
on the scooter with AIIison.

 

LEE:
No, Carl, this is not the same.

 

You really have to be careful. Okay?
These things have a Iot of--

 

CARL:
Holy Jesus.

 

--torque.

 

[SCREAMING]

 

[HONKING & TIRES SCREECHING]

 

-How you doing?
-Can't complain.

 

Ah!

 

You might wanna get out of the way.

 

[HORN HONKING]

 

MAN: Come on. Jerk.
CARL: I'm sorry.

 

Ah!

 

Whoa!

 

[TIRES SCREECHING]

 

What an asshole.

 

Carl, what are you doing here?

 

I just wanted to tell you
that I don't wanna Iive with you.

 

Oh, wow. Thanks.
My knight in shining armor.

 

Okay, people, Iet's go.

 

But I wanna be with you.

 

But I don't wanna be with you.
I don't know you.

 

Everything I said I meant,
except about Iiving together.

 

That makes me nervous,
but that's normal. It's big.

 

We shouldn't just jump into that
without thinking.

 

Why not? You do it with everything.
You say yes to whatever comes your way.

 

That's not true. You can say no
if you don't want something.

 

Brilliant, Carl. Where'd you get that?
Your Iiterature?

 

Look, I know the philosophy
has some holes.

 

You think? Seems pretty airtight to me.

 

But if I hadn't done that,
I never would've met you.

 

Because the old Carl
didn't think he was enough for anybody.

 

I thought if I said yes to things
and got involved with people...

 

...sooner or Iater,
they'd find out I'm not enough.

 

I didn't think I had anything to share.

 

But now I know that what I have to share
is pretty huge, and I wanna share it with you.

 

[CAMERA CLICKS]

 

-Do you mind, Reggie?
-Seriously, dude.

 

Sorry, this seemed interesting.

 

Even if I had met you,
I never would've asked you out.

 

You were the complete opposite of me.
You did things and had friends...

 

...and sang in rock bands
and made Iife happen.

 

You weren't scared of anything.

 

You don't think I'm scared of anything?

 

Who do you think I am?
I'm scared of a Iot of things.

 

And I'm scared too.

 

So Iet's be scared together.

 

I don't know what you want me to say.

 

So just say yes...

 

...but only if you really want to.

 

And can you do it kind of soon?
I think I'm starting to get a chill.

 

Yeah, I noticed that.

 

Well?

 

-Maybe.
-Come on.

 

-I'm not gonna say that word.
-Okay, maybe's fine. Maybe's good.

 

I Iike maybe.

 

-Reggie, come on.
-Dude.

 

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

 

Excuse me,
but pleats are kind of out of style.

 

You got anything with a flat front?

 

Oh, Soo-Mi, pleats are out?

 

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

 

PRIEST:
Thanks, guys.

 

This is the single biggest donation
that we've ever had.

 

You're welcome, but it was Carl
that made it all happen.

 

PRIEST:
You're a good man, Carl.

 

No big deal. I know a Iot of people
who are willing to give.

 

Say it a million times.
Say it a million more times.

 

And the word
you will have said 2 million times is:

 

CROWD:
Yes!

 

Good God.

 

CARL:
So anything else we need to know?

 

Your instinct is gonna be to brake
with your chin or your forehead.

 

-Try to resist that.
CARL: Right.

 

ALLISON:
Right.

 

Oh, and thanks for the Ioan.

 

I never could have finished the suits
without it.

 

CARL: Listen, I'm not gonna think anything
Iess of you if you don't wanna do this.

 

ALLISON:
What?

 

CARL: I mean, I'm still gonna be attracted
to you if you're a chicken.

 

ALLISON:
What if I'm one of those chickens...

 

...whose head doesn't get severed
and my beak ends up in the bucket?

 

I'II see you at the bottom.
Unless you pass out.

 

CARL:
I told you, my foot caught a nail.

 

Hiyah!

 

I Iove this.

 

[LAUGHS]

 

[BOTH CHEERING]

 

[ENGLISH SDH]